15th November 2020 at 8:40 am #116376BravesoulandheartParticipant
I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for nearly (detail removed by Moderator) years. We married, had kids and the abuse was so subversive that I didn’t even realise how bad it was until I saw a psychiatrist (a completely unrelated incident led to this). To cut a long story short, I came to realise what kind of life I was living and more importantly that I couldn’t let my children think that this was normal.
I left. It’s been nearly (detail removed by Moderator) years since I decided enough was enough yet the abuse continues. The children hate me – completely poisoned against me by my ex, they have moved in with him and I rarely see them. In short, he is using them as pawns to hurt me and it is working. To him, it’s all a game. I have stopped responding to his emails as it makes him worse but I spend my whole life awaiting the next poisonous message. My children are impossible to be around as they don’t feel the need to live by my rules – they just call dad and he comes and picks them up. I still feel like I’m walking on eggshells and it’s ridiculous.
Some days I just wonder what the point in it all is. It’s never going to get any better. He will never stop.
15th November 2020 at 10:07 am #116378Same-againParticipant
Hello BS&H and welcome 🙂
I agree HE will never stop so I reckon you’ve got to find a way to make it so that he’s not pulling your strings.
Maybe the first thing to do is focus on yourself, maybe a new activity or interest. Yeah, lockdown isn’t making that easy but still things are still possible aye. Maybe something creative as I think that helps with clarity.
I know his emails are most probably vile things but can you collate them and go through them with a red marker and highlight the bits (most of it probably) where he’s yanking on your string(s).
Sometimes being able to see it clearly makes it easier to detach from it.
Maybe try a visualisation. He is the evil puppet master (shouldn’t be hard to get there) and you are the puppet.
See if you can visualise looking at the strings, recognising what they are/represent and calmly removing them.
The evil puppet master will then be left demented as he tries to work the puppet to no avail whilst you look on at his fruitless (and ridiculous) flailing with a serene smile.
Good luck 🙂
15th November 2020 at 12:11 pm #116382BravesoulandheartParticipant
Thanks for your response.
I am definitely going to try visualising the strings. I know that when I don’t respond it leaves him feeling powerless so although O don’t respond physically, I am responding emotionally still. Seeing the strings and removing them will be a really good way of getting rid of this emotional response. It’s so difficult after (detail removed by Moderator) years+ and is definitely going to take some training! I will try ANYTHING!
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