Hello

[gugadidas]

I’ve just sign in to this forum and reading through some topics. I’ve been on a relationship for a long time now, have children and moved countries all in the name of love. The relationship was amazing and I wanted to forget that my mum had died, but the abuse started when I was pregnant with my first child. Moved countries almost (detail removed by Moderator) years ago and the abuser converted to (detail removed by Moderator) and I remained (detail removed by Moderator), I got pregnant again and was a stay at home mom for (detail removed by Moderator) years. Found a job but had to leave because he left the kids alone at home.. in (detail removed by Moderator) I finally secured a part time job and got my little independence back, my children are getting older and he knows that he can’t control me anymore so the abuse is getting more constant and escalating.. have so many questions so many doubts so many fears.. I can’t afford a house for me and the kids so still stuck in his house, applied to social housing but it will be difficult to get it.. thank you for being there..

[KIP.]

Please contact your local women’s aid. There’s a national domestic abuse helpline too. Run by Refuge. Ring them for advice, women’s aid can help with housing too as victims of domestic abuse are priority with local housing. They can help advise you about extra benefits and even a refuge for you all. You don’t have to put up with abuse. Just reach out for help and ring 999 if you’re scared and if he assaults you. Take a look at the book Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. Google the cycle of abuse. Abusers are always nice at some points as it’s the mask they wear to keep us trapped in the relationship. Abuse often escalates after child birth when we are vulnerable.

[gugadidas]

Thank you for your reply, I will be ringing (detail removed by Moderator) for more advice on (detail removed by Moderator) when I’m working. I just feel overwhelmed, I can’t access any benefits because I don’t have settled status, and for that I need to have my documents renovated as they expired. I will be doing that next (detail removed by Moderator) and hopefully it will be easier, I have talked with the headteacher from my children school but I’m afraid someone will contact social services and I’ll end up losing my children. I know that there is support for me and the children but I just can’t see me giving this first step but I need to gather the strength to do it.. there are no nice moments, just control, threats, blackmailing and using the children to harm me.. just being here, being able to put it out from my chest it’s a relief but I know I have a long way.. thank you once again

[Hawthorn]

Hi and welcome to forum😊

There’s lots of support for you here, you are not alone. I moved countries with my abuser too, things got so much worse when he got me isolated and away from my friends and family.

Women’s Aid will help and support you, they wont make you do anything or put any pressure on you. You dont deserve this awful situation but you and your children can escape it. You are very brave, keep reaching out. Tell your GP too, its good to have the abuse noted on their records.

Keep posting here, sending a virtual hug xx

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