Hello :)

[SteelBlue]

Hi, I’m new here. Not sure really what to say ecept that I’m hoping to find some help to get out of my relationship without loosing my children. I’ve read quite a few of your stories and see a lot of similarities but also how different my situation really is as well and… I don’t know maybe looking just for that one small sparkle of hope that I can actually get through this.

[MeOnScreen]

Hi SteelBlue.
You’ll get more then just a small sparkle, the fact that you have come here and already stated you don’t want to be in the relationship anymore is two absolutely massive steps and you can 100% do this!

I’m guessing your biggest fear of leaving is losing your children. What’s the reason why you think you will lose them? It shouldn’t even come to that, you should be able to leave an abusive relationship without this fear.
Do you feel in any immediate danger? Have you told your partner you want to the end the relationship?

[SteelBlue]

Thank you for the warm welcome. I’m currently in the process of getting help to get out from various places including national domestic abuse helpline. This is difficult because I don’t want to give up my job amongst other things. I’m worried about my children because he is on birth certificate and I’m a foreigner whilst he’s british. He keeps threatening that I will be deported and he will take the girls. My kids are very young I’m the sole provider for our family right now, he doesn’t work. I work night shifts full time so I sleep a bit during the day ( if he let’s me) then take care of the house and my girls. Right now my case worker is thinking about safe housing then eventu hopefully I could get a place from the council in the area I live currently. Also my relationship is for the most part mental abuse and not physical. There have been few instances where he pushed me etc but not many and I’ve got big mouth and temper so I kind of provoked him. Right now I’m a prisoner in my own home. I can’t go out to see friends ( not just cuz of covid) i can’t go to shop or take girls to park unless he is with us. He thinks I’m cheating on him I am not. Never have. He controls what we do with my wage ( he doesn’t work) he tells me who’s friend requests I can take on facebook, questioning even the ones from women that I work with I have to explain where I know them from and who they are etc. He checks my phone my work bagpack literally everything. I can’t buy anything without him knowing or he will kick off. I tried once. Bought myself a (detail removed by Moderator) and hidden them in work backpack. I had (detail removed by Moderator) days of him constantly reminding me how much of a liar and cheater I am and when i said i just wanted to have this one thing you don’t know about he called me completely stupid. He smokes cannabis so his paranoia is huge. I keep questioning myself am I doing the right thing because he is good to our kids and love them but I also know I can’t and don’t want to be with him anymore. ( or anyone else for that matter) Not that anyone else would want me. I’m mentally destroyed by him. Feel worthless and just want to live in peace with my little ones.I have tried talking to him about leaving but he always starting a rage then threatening to kill himself and taking small steps to do so, making small cuts with knife or taking few paracetamol. I have never needed to call 999 because I always stop him physically before he can actually do anything to himself but I’m getting tired of it too. I don’t love him anymore but our kids do. Also he is a night time childcare for when I’m at work that will be a problem once I leave and I can’t go onto the day shift at the moment. My job has been great they are aware of the whole situation and are very supportive so I can take time off when I need to move out etc with full confidence that I’ll still have my job when I’m settled in new place.
I am aware that he is just manipulating me but I can’t let him kill himself in front of me either.. doesn’t make much sense I know… so I keep questioning if I’m even doing the right thing or maybe I’m just fussing over nothing.. I mean honestly every time it gotten physical it was my fault because I would say something stupid to aggravate him even more and there’s only been a handful of pushing, 1 face slap, 1 kick. Nothing serious, no real harm done either. Except maybe to my confidence..
On a positive note I have got a lot of support that I haven’t expected and I had no idea how amazing people can be. That would not happened in my home country hence again I keep double questioning because.. ” isn’t it just too good to be true”? Hopefully that’s not the case. 🙂

[Lisa]

Hi SteelBlue

I just wanted to show you some support, I can see that MeOnScreen has given you really supportive advice. You are doing so well with reaching out for support.

Your partner is controlling and manipulative. You really are doing the right thing, there is no excuse to be violent towards you and it’s never your fault.

Please keep posting to let us know how you are,

Lisa

[SteelBlue]

Thank you Lisa,
Things have changed since my last post and very recently. I’m no longer with my partner I had to call the police and make statement. It is all very fresh, right now I’m staying with my girls in a safe place and things are just in the air right now. I’m not sure if I understand everything that actually is going on yet but I definitely know I’ve done the right thing. I feel bit numb and surprisingly calm which is not natural for me and I can’t completely understand why either I suspect tomorrow will bring a lot of answers for me. Just wish doing the right thing would be bit easier I guess but since it all happened I’ve been surrounded by a lot of people willing to help and support me and it’s nice to feel this way 🙂
I’m also bit concerned about my girls because my older hasn’t asked about daddy yet. She is still very little and I told her we are on holidays but I will have to figure out how and what to tell her soon and this is the most difficult part for me now I think.

[Lisa]

Hi SteelBlue,

Thank you for sharing your update with us. I am so pleased to hear you and your children are in a safe place and you have a lot of support around you. Give yourself and your children the time you all need and continue to lean on the support. You are doing so well! Please do come back to us again to let us know how you are doing.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Author]

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