Viewing 5 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #128733
      Aliendoh
      Participant

      Hi
      Hope you might be able to help. I’m new here, not posted much, but have posted a little of the abuse from my ex. I can get anxiety hence I can feel as though I freeze when I want to give anyone support or answer anyone’s post. I have cptsd and have been sufering full effects. I’m due back in work. I dont feel I’m ready. But I’m getting anxious of the possible outcomes if I stay off for a little while longer, I was thinking trying one more week, or just return, but my anxiety feels unbearable atm. My work is highly pressured etc but I love helping others. People can be of power status, manipulate, etc etc, feels horrible when it happens and I break into a mush. They can remind me in lots of ways of the tactics my ex husband used. I’ve no confidence, have been on my own so long now, live in this safe house. I have no resilience, no coping mechanisms. I try to find inner strentgh, inner voice to stand up for me but it fails. But I can’t lose my job, I need to financially support myself. Does anyone have any ideas or advice they could share that might help me, so that I don’t lose what feels the last part of what I had held onto, my job and career. Thanks so so much if anyone can help. I’d love to have a magic wand to find some resilience within, to feel I can cope, be of worth, etc. Also does anyone know of any helplines I could access for emotional support? Im now booked to complete the freedom programme but it won’t be for months. Hope you can help, and thank all so much for all everyone shares, it helps me so much . I’m just sorry I dont feel I can help even though I really want to. Much love to all x*x I think everyone here is amazing strong and just lovely xxxx ps my employer does not know of the abuse, traumas, cptsd. They could say I’m unfit for the job, that’s my biggest fear, that I could lose my job. I feel awful taking up anyone’s time that could be used helping someone else. Thanks again, so much. Pps I’m also really struggling to do any housework, clear anything, function, etc. Does anyone else encounter this? It’s as though I go into freeze mode, my arms can feel really heavy, it feels as though my arms are being held back, I simply cannot do. I think it’s all trauma related. But I feel such shame and guilt, I really want to sort all. Thank you xx

    • #128734
      Emptybutfree
      Participant

      Do not ever feel as though you’re in some way unworthy of support – you are more than worthy!

      Firstly, I felt every word your wrote in your post, I’m in a very similar situation, although I’ve made my employer aware, other work colleagues are not.

      I have gone back to work, only recently, but I tried doing this gradually, is this something you could put to your employer, maybe to return on reduced hours?
      This is the approach I took at first, it helped massively!

      My worries with going back, facing normality didn’t just make me anxious, it petrified me, I felt so weak, so vulnerable and the thought of anyone else relying on me made me shudder as at the time I felt as though I couldn’t rely on myself, let alone anyone else!

      Fast forward * weeks… I’m so happy to be back! I have moments when I do feel overwhelmed, I do have triggers, I do wake up some mornings wishing I wasn’t going – but I get up and go.

      Working now for me isn’t keeping me trapped in my little bubble (which was doing my health no good whatsoever) but that bubble gave me a false sense of security but I’m now aware this was only temporarily.

      Going back has given me purpose, it is keeping my mind occupied in positive ways and something I have been doing which works for me but may not for others (I apologise if this sounds ridiculous, but it helps me) … each time I feel a negative emotion, even at work, I write it down, even if it’s something small, I write the feeling down on a piece of paper, read it 3 times over, scrunch up the paper and throw it in the bin, as though I’m releasing the negative emotion or feeling and actually throwing it away!

      I don’t know how useful (if at all) my post is to you but just so you know you’re not alone. You are a very strong lady, stronger than you’re giving yourself credit for.
      Be kind to yourself, you’re amazing and you’re worthy.

      Sending hugs your way xx

    • #128736
      littledove
      Participant

      Hi Aliendoh,

      Do what you feel is best for you. I’m off my work just now with anxiety, depression and stress.
      I was seeing a mental health team through my GP. You can access this through your GP. Just go to your doctor with how you’re feeling and they should refer you through.
      I’ve just been referred back again. They have lots of services such as counsellors, mental health nurses and psychologists. They can do trauma linked CBT.
      In the meantime I have an appointment with the mental health practitioner at my doctors.

      Talk to your doctor about anti-depressants also. The not having the motivation to do things and freezing and just feeling heavy are symptoms of depression. I have these too. So it’s definitely worth mentioning to your doctor for a diagnosis. (I’m not a doctor).

      You can call Breathing Space on 0800 83 85 87. They are free and offer support for people experiencing anxiety, distress and problems in life. They can offer great advice and support to you. They are a helpline that’s good for just offloading everything to.

      It’s completely up to you whether you tell your manager or not. They don’t have a right to know why you’re off work. And I know it’s hard telling other people of it all.

      You have more resilience and inner strength in you than you realise. You got out of an abusive relationship and that takes amazing strength. You need to give yourself more credit. And be kinder to yourself. You should not feel shame or guilt. You have been through so much, so be kind to yourself as you heal.
      There isn’t a magic wand with healing. It’s a process and you’ll have good days and bad days. This is okay and completely normal.

      The freedom programme is a great start. Hang in there for that, hopefully that helps you greatly. In the meantime I would continually see a support worker within Women’s aid.

      You are worth so much. Focus on your self worth and self love. Meditation is amazing too on the Headspace app, and journaling all your thoughts out onto paper.

      Sending big hugs xx

    • #128791
      Aliendoh
      Participant

      Thank you so very very much for your advice, care and support. Really means a lot thank you. Today I find myself in a complete anxious state, pains have Flared again, not slept, etc etc, it’s even that bad I feel scared of speaking with managers. How crazy and silly is that! They’ve rang me I need to ring them back. I’ve tried ringing my g. P. But can’t get through. I’m due back imminently. I don’t know what to do, dare I say one more week, or am I just prolonging the agony. I’m afraid if I go back symptoms will become unbearably again. But I’m afraid if I tell management I’m off one more week, they’ll lose patience and decide to take action. But on the other hand, I don’t know if they would take actions againgst me, if I will be going back next week. I’m in a mess today. I wish I was adult like, brave and strong. Thanks again, so much

      • #128796
        littledove
        Participant

        Can your work take action against you if you have a doctors sick line? I’m not sure they can if your doctor has signed you off.

        I feel the same way, my anxiety and panic flares up when I have to phone my work. It’s not crazy or silly at all! Because I feel they’re annoyed, but I know it’s just my overthinking. I just don’t like letting people down, but I know my mental health comes first.

        You ARE brave and you are strong! You’re so hard on yourself! I would highly recommend affirmations every morning. Upon waking look in the mirror and say a few affirmations towards yourself such as “I am strong!” “I am beautiful!” “I am a wonderful person!” “I am fearless!” “I am healing!” “I am worthy!” “I am loveable!”
        Search them online. They really help me build a positive attitude within myself and learn to love myself and be proud of who I am xx

    • #128888
      Aliendoh
      Participant

      After much a do and near melt down I have spoken with my gp and been signed off for a further weeks. Management are arranging another official meeting as part of the sickness absence disciplinary policy. I cried so much yesterday just felt so low, I’m realising not only is the trauma of all in my past and cptsd with hard to manage symptoms, but also menopausal symptoms are the cause of such demise of me. I was even thinking of the world without me in it. I’m better now just feel teary but can’t sleep. I spoke with the gp weeks ago who dismissed me and ended the call saying time was up, after I’d said how low I’d been feeling and asked of hrt. The gp at that time refused to discuss hrt until current symptoms subside. But it’s all part and parcel of my current conditions. A male gp is now ringing me back tomorrow to discuss hrt. Really need the help. Thanks again all hope all are OK and keeping safe

      • #128897
        littledove
        Participant

        I’m glad your GP gave you another line. You have to do what’s best for your mental health.

        I wouldn’t worry too much about the meeting. I’m not sure if different work places have different policies, but I’m certain they can’t let you go if you have a genuine doctors line as evidence that you’re not fit to work??

        I’m also glad they are discussing hrt with you now. Have you discussed antidepressants as well?

        Sending big hugs, you’re doing amazing xx

    • #129003
      Auriel
      Participant

      Hi aliendoe the telephone lines I went to when I was coming out of the fog after the realisation hit me and when the soaps i watch had accidentally triggered me were c.a.l.l and n.a.p.a.c ( this one is for adults abused in their childhood but also help people experiencing/ who have experienced domestic abuse) I also telephoned women’s aid on a few occasions to help clarify things I didn’t understand at the time x x x x x

Viewing 5 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ Jobs

EXIT SITE

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account