Hello I’m new and scared

[TinyHouse]

Hello,

I’m new and I’m quite scared at the moment.

I left my ex and came to live with family a few years ago. My family encouraged me not to do the court thing and I didn’t.

I year later social services got involved with us. It was traumatic and they sent child – then 2 – away to my ex for a week – there was no legal order – my ex said I was restricting access –
I had evidence that he wasn’t (emails etc) but social care didn’t listen.

They also told me to stop going to the pattern changing course I was on as it was ‘my word against his’

(detail removed by moderator) a social worker told me to stop all the contact ‘due to severity of extreme emotional and psychological abuse’

(detail removed by moderator) ex took me to court. I felt completely intimidated by the process and cafcass and they gave ex week long contacts with my (detail removed by moderator) He is coming back distressed and saying things to undermine me. I am so anxious I am suicidal and feel I can’t parent like this.

Social care are now involved again. Police have advised that I don’t give my ex any contact.

I can’t do this without a court order and am now scared.

I literally feel like he is living in my head and in my home. I am panicking, I can’t think straight, feel overwhelmed by what social care might do and say… I am scared of all of this ….

[KIP.]

Ring the helpline on here. Also, Rights for Women offer free legal advice. You can google them and ring them too. Can you get the police to supply you with a letter stating their concerns and advice. Present it to court and ask that there is no contact. At the very least supervised contact in a contact centre. It must be horrific for you. He doesn’t care one bit and it’s obvious to anyone that taking a two year old away for a week when he hardly knows him is not in his best interest. My advice would be to get something legal in place or consider a refuge meantime until there is an order in place. Your local women’s aid should be able to give you support too x

[AssisiB]

Hi Hun,

I feel so bad for hun, I don’t really have any advice to give.

One thing the lovely lady at women’s aid said to me was google mindfulness. I had no clue what it was. I found out that it was meditation. They have videos on YouTube. It’s basically relaxing water noises or music with a voice telling you how to focus and breath. They have different Ines for anxiety, overthinking, worries etc. It help me stop thinking about my situation and the evil things my ex said and did. I listen to it before I go to bed or if I wake in the night. It helps me fall tosleep. I cannot tell you what a godsend this was to me.

You may feel silly at first as I did, I promise you it will help.

All the best and stay strong x

[Confused123]

Hi Hun

If s s t saying ex should have no contact with the kids , use to your advantage and use that line in court , still get advice of Womens of right to see where u stand , even if u r not in refuge ask for support from a support worker

[SunshineRainflower]

This sounds incredibly stressful, so sorry to hear you are going through this. You definitely need support and advice. Like Kip said, ring the helpline and Rights of Women and get the letter from the police stating their recommendations. Fight for no contact or supervised contact centre only for your child. If you can’t get through to the helpline do a google search for your local domestic abuse team as they can also help. Keep posting for support and we will help you all we can. Also I know it sounds obvious but remember to do basic self care things like sleep, exercise and healthy food to keep your strength up to help you manage this extremely tough time.

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