Hello I'm new here.

[Needtobelieve]

Good morning
I have had my light bulb moment and now I feel confused. I have been with my husband for (detail removed by moderator) and we have 4 children. We separated in (detail removed by moderator) last year. I was unaware I was in a dv relationship. Right now I feel silly, how could I have not known?? Why did I let it happen?? And am I dramatising it?? My head is a complete mess. How can the person I loved and gave everything to do this?? Years of emotional abuse and isolation, I always thought I was a “strong” independent person, now I just feel sad and confused. Where do I start in rebuilding my life?? Thank you. X

[Lisa]

Hello Needtobelieve,

Welcome to the forum, I hope you find it a supportive place to be.

The aftermath of leaving an abusive relationship is very difficult. You did not let anything happen, he chose to be abusive towards you.

The priority now needs to be you, are you in touch with your local domestic abuse service? They may be able to refer you for specialist counselling.

Take care and keep posting

Best Wishes,

Lisa

[lover of no contact]

Welcome Needtobelieve,

You could not have known what you were letting yourself in for as he deceived you. He pretended he was someone else (a normal person to start with) as if he let his true self show (abusive-self) you would have run a mile. But you were manipulated and abusers are master manipulators, cunning and sly. They also paint a false reality, lie. We are different to that. We say what we mean, are honest (mainly), we aren’t out to dupe people so we can’t comprehend the mind-set that would be out to hoodwink another person as abusers do. All of us ladies on here were duped by the abusers, from all walks of life, strong, intelligent, empathetic women. (btw it can happen to men too, my mum was abuser and abused my dad and I).

Keep reading the posts on here and posting. The knowledge, experiences and strength from this Forum will help you rebuild your life as so many of us a good few years out of the abusive relationship are rebuilding their lives…one day at a time.

[Needtobelieve]

Thank you for your kind words. It’s such a daunting place at the moment. Please can I just clarify I wasn’t implying that survivors are weak I was just explaining my confusion on how I feel. I have been in contact with our getset worker who is helping me deal with the ongoing control issues he is having over me. I just want my life back and feel so lost in all of it. Trying to stop contact with the ex in a slow manner as when I stopped contact before I had all sorts of issues and things happen. It’s just so hard. 🙁 xx

[StillinIT]

Hello, I’m new here too …
I am still in it, long term marriage
Bit confused how this site works in plain understanding

[Surviving]

Hi. Im new here. I left my controlling and abusive husband over (detail removed by Moderator) ago (detail removed by Moderator).. Even after his statements to cafcass admitting physically abusing his kids and controlling me he still seems to be getting his way as he is so clever and knows how to make people feel sorry for him. (detail removed by Moderator) after a left he got with a girl we know and her kids.
He hasn’t seen my boys since. He tryed to force them to see people they didn’t want to but lost them for it.
Lately he told my (detail removed by Moderator) year old consider it done that henwss finishing with his partner and kids for them. Turns out he lied again. It broke my son’s heart. My son is so messed up with all his lies and emotional abuse. He isn’t coping in school and is so angry

[freedomtochoose]

Hello, I am new here also. Well done for posting. Am thinking about you in your situation.
I have only just figured out how to post and not yet able to do a new thread.

I have been in touch with the site for years though, I have been out of my situation for several years.
Still dealing with complications and aftermath.

I am hoping that looking back I might be able to offer supportive words around some of the things that
I have had to get to grips with.

Apologies this is a short post. Back to school for my child this week and housework and necessaries. Will check back as soon as I can, probably tomorrow morning.
Please cut me some slack as I am still learning about this forum
thinking of you all

[freedomtochoose]

And of course you could not know. Noone would. When I married I had no idea it would end the way it did.

[Author]

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