This topic contains 9 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Creamflowersbloom 1 month ago.

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    Posts
  • #98472
     Starrynight 
    Participant

    Hello

    I have been with my husband for (detail removed by moderator) years and about (detail removed by moderator) ago I text him to say I’ve had enough.
    Had enough of his domestic abuse, (detail removed by moderator).
    It was so hard to send the message, I was shaking.
    We still live together and it’s so hard.
    We have a (detail removed by moderator) year old and he always calls him a fool which is completely unacceptable.
    He hardly plays with him and when he does, he gets bored within 15mins.
    Anyway, I feel like I’m getting stronger every day which is strange for me because I thought I would be crumbling. I am shocking myself how strong I really am x

  • #98473
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Please get in touch with your local women’s aid. This is the most dangerous time for a woman when she tries to end a relationship. When abusers lose control then the abuse often escalates. Make sure you log the abuse with your GP. If you thought he was abusive in the relationship it’s going to get much worse as he tries to regain control. Get some legal advice, know your rights. Keep your phone on you at all times. The trouble with you feeling stronger is you will have minimised the abuse and that’s dangerous for you x

  • #98474
     Starrynight 
    Participant

    Thank you. That’s great advice.
    I will go to the GP too. I didn’t think about that x

  • #98662
     Starrynight 
    Participant

    Hi

    Just updating you on my situation…I decided to leave our family home and go stay with my family.
    This is the best thing to do for my me and my baby

    My husband has been phoning me non stop and also phoning my stepdad. We are both not answering but he’s making me nervous and scared.

    Is there anything I can do to stop him doing this?

    Many thanks.

  • #98724
     Lisa 
    Main Moderator

    Hi there, it is good to see that you and your baby are in a safe place. It would be beneficial for you to get some legal advice, particularly if you are concerned about him wanting to see the baby. Rights of Women have a family law advice line and a really informative website.

    You might want to look into obtaining an injunction, DV Assist could help with this.

    Best wishes

    Lisa

  • #98726
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Hey, well done for getting somewhere safe. You could change your number or text him to stop contacting you or you will involve the police as this is harrassment. If he continues to contact you, do not respond or the police will view it as an argument. You need to show the police the continued harrassment. They can warn him off. This is a very dangerous time for you when leaving so be very careful. You did the right thing by getting yourself safe. Don’t confuse his harrassment with caring. He just wants to regain control.

  • #98876
     Starrynight 
    Participant

    Thank you.

    Update… he is accusing me of controlling him. This is absolutely horrendous!!!

    Anyone else experience this?

  • #98881
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Absolutely and predictable behaviour. This is the point where they become the victim. He will also be trying to discredit you so that when the truth comes out about the abuse, he’s already told people that you’re the abuser and the crazy one and he hopes they will believe him over you. This is why zero contact is so important because any contact will be used against you. Including him saying why If he’s so bad are you still in touch with him. Don’t underestimate him at this stage. Please stick to zero contact and use a third party for any urgent matters. If you’re looking for closure you won’t get it from him. You need to turn your back, even though it will go against your instinct to be a reasonable person. It won’t work. You cannot coparent with an abuser and there is no negotiating either. Can’t be reasoned with so don’t try. Just make a plan for yourself and stick to it. Block him on everything x

  • #98893
     Starrynight 
    Participant

    Thank you.
    (detail removed by moderator)
    Absolutely ridiculous.

  • #98931
     Creamflowersbloom 
    Participant

    So proud of you and your strength. Currently trying to leave myself but having to do it in such a way it goes unnoticed x

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