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    • #128963
      Happiermex
      Participant

      Hi guys,

      It’s been a while!! To say this forum gave me the best help would be a understatement!
      But I’m back… it’s been nearly (detail removed by moderator) Iv been apart from my ex.. he got with someone else and they split up not long ago and now he’s with somebody I know.. why the hell is this clawing me back into having some kind of sadness? My stomach dropped.. I thought I was over it. I did accept that I think I will always have feelings there for him slightly but not to ever go back. I have also moved on recently, so why do I feel this way!?

      To everyone fighting their battle with all this, you will be ok! Just please get the help xx

    • #128970
      KIP.
      Participant

      Please know this is a common tactic. It’s triangulation and they just love to get involved with people we know. This gives them a sense of power. Do not let him know it affects you. Abuse runs deep and the effects can last a lifetime so the triggers are still there. There’s also the human side of being sad that your relationship didn’t work out and still that bit of grief for the loss of your hopes. But absolutely zero contact is how you recover the quickest. And that means no gossip or looking on social media. You will pick yourself up again and move forward. This too shall pass x

    • #128972
      Happiermex
      Participant

      Thank you! It’s difficult because I know her really well, do I give her a heads up that he is abusive… physically and mentally? Or do I leave it?

    • #128973
      KIP.
      Participant

      Did you report anything to the police? You can use Claire’s law to ask the police to warn her that way you’re kept out of the loop. If she’s a friend of yours and has decided to get involved with your ex then she’s not the sort of friend you want in your life. I doubt she’d believe you as he will already have badmouthed you and told her you’re vindictive so my advice is to cut contact with her and say nothing. Put your own health and well-being first and if you want to warn her then use the police. They won’t tell her who his victim was just that he is abusive x

    • #128976
      Happiermex
      Participant

      I didn’t, and I am kicking myself for notbeing strong enough at the time… I was beaten and treated like a dog, but I just wanted out at the time… he did unblock me on social media two weeks ago which I found so strange! But didn’t think much of it. But now wondering if it’s all a game because he split up with the girl he got with after me.. I think it’s best I leave it. She may see me as the jellous ex

      • #128983
        KIP.
        Participant

        It’s never too late to make a statement to the police because the more victims who report these abusers, the more likely a conviction x you will probably find you weren’t the first and won’t be the last x

    • #128978
      littledove
      Participant

      Hello,

      Glad you’ve been out for (detail removed by moderator), well done! I have also been out for a (detail removed by moderator) too.

      And don’t worry this is normal. If I found out he was with someone I knew it would make my stomach turn too.
      But not because I have feelings for him, more because I know he’d be telling lies and slating my name to people I know…but that’s an ego thing I’m working on not caring what others think/believe xx

    • #128982
      Eggshells
      Participant

      Something similar happened to me. I had a friend that was really supportive when I left. Then she did something that really shook my trust in her. Ive had 4 panic attacks in my entire life, all as a result of something she’d said or done after I left my ex. Yet she was still being nice, still appearing to care. I was trying to work out how to cut her out of my life when I found out she’d been socialising with my ex.

      My ex told my children about it knowing that they’d tell me.

      This was a woman who knew most of the worst things he’d done to my son and me. She’d even seen my evidence and now she’s socialising with him. It told me that either she didn’t believe me or she did believe me but didn’t care.

      Either way, next time she messaged me I sent a polite but clear message back that I didn’t want anything to do with her.

      When I left, I knew he’d need a new victim and she was one of the people I predicted he’d have in his sights.

      I think my message in this is not to warn her. She probably won’t listen and if she was a real friend she’d have stayed away from him out of respect for you.

      He is doing this to upset you.

    • #128986
      Happiermex
      Participant

      Yea it’s a strange feeling isn’t it! A pet of me is abit angry but I’m just going to leave it behind me, hopefully over the next few days the feelings for what ever reason they are there will simmer down

    • #128987
      KIP.
      Participant

      Be careful she’s not feeding him information. Abusers never truly move on x

    • #128988
      Happiermex
      Participant

      So strange he unblocked me on social media two weeks ago… I didn’t think to much into it.. next thing I know he’s with my friend lol.. I can never work these people out! But it reminds me of why I am so better off where I am in life. No games no fear!
      Just makes me want to move away lol!

      • #129207
        Auriel
        Participant

        Happiermex id say he’s probably just seeing if he can still find a way in , they like doing that kind of thing , they always need someone , and if things aren’t working out and they’re not getting all the attention they crave they’ll just keep trying to find more and more like someone needing a fix when their high has gone ( I don’t take drugs but they have that kind of mentality) i think he’s just being evil, maybe trying to put you both , you could try and warn her but there’s possibility he will say your saying it cos you want him back or something like it please just focus on yourself maybe even block him? your life is much better now please let it stay that way 💖💛💖

      • #129214
        Auriel
        Participant

        Meant pit you as in against eachother , they like people arguing especially if they know they’ve caused it, it thrills them like an evil gremlin on the sidelineand the fact your his ex and his recent( victim) it would give him a thrill if you were to argue about him, she’s just another supply , I would disconnect from both ,you’ll just end up back in the toxic loop you don’t need that anymore 💜💛💜

    • #128990
      cakepops
      Participant

      Its probably a way to try and cause you further stress. My ex has taken to finding all sorts of random ways of getting into my head, some of which are very odd. This all says way more about the abuser than about you.

    • #128996
      Happiermex
      Participant

      A big part of me doesn’t feel any of this is to make me feel a certain way there’s been someone after me and they have now split up, and now he is with someone I know… i just didn’t think I would give a c**p but I do… my head is spinning for some stupid reason

    • #129002
      KIP.
      Participant

      Any contact with an abuser is toxic and always will be. Trauma runs deep. The Body Keeps The Score is a good book. Absolutely zero contact is needed.

    • #129137
      Happiermex
      Participant

      We have not had any contact within the last year up untill the other day, I thinks it’s more he’s with someone I know.. I just always wanted him to be miserable..
      is it normal to carry that anger a year on?

    • #129168
      Lifebegins
      Participant

      Hi Happiermex, yes it’s normal to have anger a year after. I was recently at the year mark and I was really really angry still, probably angrier then at the beginning. But I was having counselling at that time and it might just have been my anger finally being released.

      Then all of a sudden it seemed to shift from angry to the I don’t care phase. This is the best phase so far. Someone told me they thought my ex had a girlfriend (and to be honest I was really dreading this moment). Anyway I was amazed that I didn’t care. Poor her I thought! I probably would have felt differently if it was someone I know though but more from pride and thinking about him bad mouthing me not because I love him or I’m missing a wonderful relationship. If I catch myself having a sad thought, I remind myself I lived in misery and fear for pretty much all of the relationship so there’s nothing to feel sad about.

      I agree with KIP – maintain zero contact. And I try and keep off social media. I don’t need or want to know anything about him and that’s been working xx focus on your life in the real world xx

    • #129224
      Happiermex
      Participant

      Thank you guys, I have removed myself from social media.. I find it dosnt help all round. Hopefully this s****y phase will pass soon enough. Thank you for your support xx

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