Help

[Butterfly3]

I’ve been trying to find a way to leave my husband for a while now. I have a domestic abuse charity worker. I cannot stay where I am currently as I couldn’t afford it and they don’t accept housing benefit. So I’ve spoken to the council a few times and today on the phone I was told they would only help me to move county and I couldn’t stay within the area. I can’t leave this area. My children whom arent his need to be here for contact with their father. I can’t move them schools because my eldest couldn’t cope. It wouldn’t matter where in the city I lived as long as it was here. The woman at the council said that I need to just move away as that’s putting the children first. That’s my only option and if I am not prepared to move county I will need to rent privately. I would never have the money to rent privately or get a deposit. I feel so hopeless. My husband isnt violent and I’m not scared he will harm us. The abuse is emotional abuse and control. But I cannot cope anymore I can’t live like this. I came away from that phone call a complete wreck. I tried to call my dv support worker and she is away so I tried to call the womens aid helpline and it went through to answer machine. Please tell me theres a way I can be housed in my own county. My mental health is just deteriorating the longer this goes on. I know it sounds awful but if it wasnt tor my children I would end it all because I can’t cope anymore

[fizzylem]

I dont get the housing policies at all; I asked to be put on the social housing list in the south and they would only list me for the city, not even moving counties (within the same shire) and they said I couldn’t unless I knew someone in this area like family and friends – who makes these silly rules up to make things harder than they already are?!

Do you drive? Could you or your ex help your children maintain their existing friendships? The thought of moving them can feel awful, but if you all prepare for it you could end up all looking forward to it?

I really don’t know what the answer is. It’s such a difficult sitaution to be in isn’t it, most of us need assistance with housing when leaving an abusive relationship. I couldnt get private either, no DSS, no dogs and some landlords even state no children. The WA worker, once you get in touch will no doubt be best informed on the situation in your area and what is available to you x

[KIP.]

The woman at the council knows what’s best for your children? Make an official complaint against her and state your case like you have on here. Get backing from your GP, social work, the schools the children attend and build a case. Ask the council what qualifications and training and background the woman has that she knows what’s best for your children. Don’t be bullied by them. What you say makes sense and any potential risk needs to be weighed against the upheaval and effect on your kids and your mental health.

[KIP.]

Citizens Advice are very helpful about your rights. Might be worth ringing them for advice so you can quote the law at these council officials.

[Butterfly3]

Thank you for your replies. I’m waiting at the cab but I know the waiting times are really long and have to leave in just over an hour. I so hope I can see someone today because I’m just not coping. I laid in bed and cried myself to sleep last night. I thought I’d been at breaking point before but I know I’m there now. I just know my husband will cause an argument later too as he wont want me to go to work tomorrow so he often argues with me knowing I’ll get in a state and possibly call in sick. But I need my job 🙁

[KIP.]

My husband put so much pressure on me that I was finally unable to work. Isolating me even further. Hang onto your job. That’s your magic door out of this. Your independence. Which is why he’s trying to make you give it up to become even more dependent on him x

[Anonymous]

I gave up my job when I met my partner. At the time I thought it would be a good opportunity to re-train and try something new. While I completed my course it came at the cost of my mental health as my partner offered little emotional support. I currently don’t have a job and am dependent on him. I really hate being in this situation! Do all you can Butterfly3 to keep your job as it means you can keep some independence. Is there a friend at work whom you can share what is happening at home and who can give you support on the days when you’ve had arguments with your partner? We are here too 24/7 if you need to let off some steam. Hang in there.

[Author]

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