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I’m really struggling at the moment, I feel so alone. The last few weeks have been horrific, he has smashes glasses, cups. Screamed at me for not being around 24/7 because I’ve been for walks with friends. He has had me up all hours in the morning screaming at me. I want to leave and my family are trying to help but I just feel like I’m losing everyone friends, family. I am constantly fighting with them because I cancel plans because he will go mad, and they are angry with him for it but we end up fighting and i end up defending my partner.
Its (detail removed by Moderator) soon and I feel awful if I leave before hand. But I cant do this anymore, I cant cope, I hate being around him and he constanlty says I’m miserable. I cant play happy anymore. I need to leave but I’m worried of the backlash, and i cant talk to him about anything. How the hell do I leave!? -
Hi Fairylady,
You are so strong by fighting and trying to sort everything out!
It looks complicated when you are in, I remember, I think its all just because we are so kind and responsible women trying to make everyone happy. Everyone, except ourselves, which is a huge mistake.
I am not sure f this is something you are wishing to hear, but you should think about yourself first. You are the most important person in your life, everyone else – just surround you. Please try to do everything only in your own interests, not his or your family. Because from your message I understood you are worried about making them happy more than about yourself being unhappy.
It’s so hard, I know, but it’s possible! Please just try to see your own value first and fulfil your own wishes, and then it will be easier to see where you have to move on.
xx -
You just – leave. All of this confusion is a direct result of his abuse and manipulations. You have enough information now to compute and you are never standing still in life, you are either going forward or backwards and you staying is you going backwards. We often sit and wait and wait for just one more sign of this is abuse, we need to get out of the burning house when in all reality we have a mountain of evidence and past history. We need one more morsel at all. But that’s fear………and they are very good at invoking this in us. Fear of this, fear of that. They attack our self worth, our ability to think straight and they just love it when we get trained and are nothing but codependent with them meaning you are putting his needs and wants above your own. Then you become a non-person, then You don’t matter at all to yourself. You become nothing more than an appendage to them.
If I were you, I’d stop frustrating your family and friends and just get out and let them help you because this is only going to escalate and could have a very bad end. He sounds quite dangerous actually. I’d start making an exit plan, if you need help with that, we can give you tons of information on it. bullies are actually wee little men on the inside. And they will threaten and act all crazy and whatever else but when you are fed up, you can’t continue to be a prisoner that sits and quakes in your boots all the time because you are afraid of what he will do if you dare to want to be free from your prison. That’s not a life, it’s not living. It’s horrendous abuse what he is doing here. Think more along the lines of what he will do if you continue to stay in this hostage situation. That’s the frame of mind you need to be in.
You can sort your feelings out later when you are free of him. Right actions create right feelings, btw. He has done alot of harm to you already so you will go through a healing process but right now, you are continuing to get hurt here. That’s not okay. I hope you come to realize how not okay it is and like Dustypink said – put you first. It is afterall – your life, not his to do with as he wishes. Take your life and your power back!! We are behind you, here to listen, here to help you! You didn’t take him to raise here, right? So take those fangs of his right out of your neck and start using that energy – for yourself.
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thankyou both, he has been worse the last few days nand then tried playing nice after amusing me of seeing someone else when I went to a family members for a birthday. I know i can get out. I need to, its making me ill and I feel like im going crazy being here. He knows that I’m distant, as today he has been nothing but lovely and kind and loving and I havent given anything back, I wont fall into the trap again. I cant.
Thankyou both for the kind words.
The people on here are so supportive and empowering and knowing that so many others can leave and do it, i can do it too.
He won’t be my future. I know i can do it, and i know I can be strong. Now it’s just getting the courage to actually do it without worrying about what happens after.
Thankyou again x -
Just remember what ‘has’ happened and that will make the way forward clear. He doesn’t rule your life. You do! Put your strong will in action and Be a force of nature! Get your life back no matter what.
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