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    • #7738
      Selene
      Participant

      My first husband was physically, sexually and verbally abusive. we were together for (detail removed by moderator)years, I eventually stood up to him by getting an emergency non-molestation order in (year removed by moderator). I got a non-molestation order for 6 months, occupational order and cafcass became involved with our 2 children. The following year I got full residency for both our children. Then I got a phone call to say he was really ill, anyway long story short, it looked like he had taken an overdose and caused severe brain damage leaving him in vegetative state. Found a specialist nursing home for him and he lived for (detail removed by moderator) years, he didn’t respond to anybody and had a really rubbish existence. He died in (detail removed by moderator), allowing us all to move on
      I have remarried and know he would never hurt me. I do really struggle coping with everything that happened. I really struggle to trust people and apart from my two children and new husband keep everybody else at arm’s length, the thing it is really lonely. I think if I tell people what happened they will judge me and blame me for how he treated me!! I know its not my fault how he hurt me but want some closure. how do others cope with dealing with what happened?

    • #7743
      Serenity
      Participant

      Hi Selene.

      I was in a long, abusive marriage.

      Before I realised it was abuse, I used to think ‘why don’t abused women just leave?’

      I didn’t understand anything. I knew nothing about coercive control, brainwashing, etc.

      As part of my healing, I realised quite early on that I could only trust information with those who understood. To open your heart to those atelacking in understanding, empathy and experience is crucifying, and can set you back.

      You have been through so much.

      It is important that you deal with this. With those who can give you the support and undetstanding you need. DV counselling, local DV outreach, freedom courses, women’s aid helpline. All will help you lay your ghosts to test. Abuse takes a lot of working through.

      Without the above. I wouldn’t be here now.

      And you have us x

    • #7800
      Winterblues2
      Participant

      Well said serenity. We all understand and are here when you need us x

    • #7807
      Confused123
      Participant

      Leaving an abuser is never easy and till u experience abuse u never realize the extent of abuse and his it traumatise u , like most of us u prob block most of it and went into denial , I think that was really kind of u to find him a home after he went ill. To get closure we have to understand what happened and how , I personally am having counselling to understand how I let it happen. Am one years out and at still get days where I cry to my counsellor about how stupid I feel for taking it so long , I cry for how did i survive abuse cause reality is these men could of killed us , it’s a unthinkable fear which is really bad , so I have to talk and talk about abuse I experience, yes it hurts but I have to understand myself why do I see abuse as bad but not that bad cause it happened to me, am trying to understand why to cope and survive did I see the only option as cutting my feelings of not to feel. So yeah to get closure I need to face what really did happen and for me I need counselling to find answers, need to go on freedom course which always seem to
      Have waiting list , it’s good u found u was able to trust and re marry , I am away from abuser but feel so vunerable around guys

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