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(detail removed by Moderator) weeks on from leaving and hes desperately trying to contact me. (detail removed by Moderator) weeks on no contact and my life has been bliss and now hes trying to interfere.
at the moment (detail removed by Moderator) i am having to fight to keep my children (detail removed by Moderator) (their dad is seeking custody because of him) and leaving him has been the best thing i could do for my children and me.my mum is fearful that im going to cave in a contact him, ive spoken to social services as he still needs to collect his things but i dont want to see or talk to him, im only willing to do things through a solicitor at this point.
his friends think im being pedantic and a drama queen, i think im being protective and necessary to safeguard everything i’ve built up over the last few weeks. that i’ve worked mentally hard to do i dont want to crash now! i have a councilling appointment tomorrow but for now i need support.
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Stay strong and do not let others minimise the hell he has put you through and will continue to do so if you allow him. No contact is the best thing I ever did. No contact means no mind games and no manipulation. Drop his belongings at your local police station or at a mutual friend if you can. Leave him no way to get to you. My ex sent people round 11 times to collect his stuff continuing the harassment. If he has bail conditions, report every single breach.
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Nothing would please him more than to see you lose your kids. I once read that abusers only want to get close enough to us to slap us again. They are liars and manipulator and if you ever allowed him back in your life he would punish you big style, and you wouldn’t see it coming. Keep posting on here for support though you sound really strong x
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he never physically abused me, but the mind games and the manipulation twisted my perception of things massively. i now believe he was grooming me so he could abuse my children.
he doesn’t like that im not contacting him, im being accused of being cold and selfish. he was alone for a very long time before we met.
i believed for a long while that he deserved some happiness in his life and we made each other happy. but i now actually feel an entirely different kind of happy without him almost a huge relief. he is also disabled (not wheelchair bound or anything) but enough that he needed to be laid down for long periods of time. i waited on him, did his meals, shopping, washing. we lived apart during the investigation as he’s not allowed near the children. i felt exhausted as i was living two seperate but both very demanding lives as a wife and a mother.
ive blocked mutual friends out of my life as well now too. as much as it hurts i cant stand hearing about his issues when hes caused so many of mine, hes a very selfish person, i realise that now. -
just to add he has far too much stuff for any of his friends to just take. it would be a van load, he is effectively homeless at the moment and im being told, have a heart hes homeless, give him chance to get on his feet again first before expecting him to get his stuff. (he’s couch hopping but keeping the police informed of his movements)
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Have you considered a civil order to prevent him contacting you? I would still get rid of all his stuff asap. If it has no right to be there. Give him a week via a friend to hire a van and man or you will dump his stuff. It’s reminders of him you don’t need around. You have the right to never see or contact him again.
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I second the idea of getting rid of his stuff asap. It took ages to organise getting my ex to finally ‘work out’ that he just needed to hire a man and a van – though of course in hindsight this was just his way of stringing out the need for contact. And putting the kids in the middle with requests to bring it in dribs and drabs. Felt so much better once his c**p was gone.
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I do not think you should store his stuff! No way!
And no contact either.
I would give him a day that he has to collect his (rubbish) stuff and you are not to be there, my love.
Why should you give him a chance to get on his feet if he was grooming you to get access to your kids?
Think about it.
My ex (detail removed by Moderator) used to come round regularly for this and that for his blimming work and it drove me mental so my male friend told him to do one.
He had robbed me after all. I was ever so in his grip and scared of him you see.
So don’t do as I did, do it properly, give him a day via the solicitor and then it’s dumped.I remember finding one of his horrible socks about a year later and I was physically sick. He was disgusting, a vile smelly man with vile habits x
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