Help he’s discovered my exit plan!

[nevertoolate]

All was going so well with my exit plan – had appointment with solicitor, found a house to rent in  (removed by moderator) for me and the kids, moved any direct debits for my mobile, pension etc to my own current account and collected essential paperwork into a folder.
So far so good, until (detail removed by moderator)! I was really scared when he (removed by moderator) and demanded to know how long I had been making plans behind his back. Irony is that I’m now doing what he told me to do a few months ago when I first tried to leave and he threatened to kick me out without the kids! Except this time I’m the one in control and I’m doing things at my pace. This is what seems to anger him more than anything, not being in control.
After being absolutely furious, he is now trying to persuade me to carry on trying to work things out and that he didn’t realise he scared me so much last time. Says he will get help for his behaviour but after reading the posts on this forum I can see how the pattern of his behaviour is aimed at confusing me and making me do what he wants, so thank you to everyone on here for your words of wisdom. Now I understand what’s really going on and despite a bit of self-doubt today, I’ve now told my parents and family that I’m moving out. Was dreading telling my parents but my dad just accepted it and has offered to help me move stuff, so I just wanted to say to everyone else who is trying to leave that you may be positively surprised by other people’s reactions xx

[KIP.]

Well done! My ex also said he would go and get help. Thinking back, he was then actually admitting that what he was doing was wrong. Of course he had no intention and never did. At this stage his behaviour went off the scale. I was so used to his violent behaviour I didn’t realise the danger I was in. So please be careful. Even if you have to lie and tell him your moving date is months away, then move without his knowledge. Most of my family were extremely supportive and were surprised I’d stayed that long. It’s the mind games they play with us for years about what other people with think, how we couldn’t afford to be on our own, how we couldn’t cope. All lies and mind games to trap us. At least you recognise his true self now. Keep moving forward and surround yourself with only supportive people at this time X it’s a dangerous time, mine escalated off the scale was arrested and bailed. There’s a red mist that came over him. He just couldn’t help himself 😬

[Indiamalachite]

Well done for all the plans and efforts you made. They aren’t in vain as helps you get closer to the exit. Be very wary of him being sorry and saying he will get help – this is most likely because he realises you are close to going and he has to try any tactic that will work to get you to stay – even if its saying sorry and saying whatever you need him to so you’ll stay. My ex said many times he would get help and would change – surprise surprise he never did and he went back on it every time and said it was my fault or that I was wrong etc. keep making your plan, keep safe xx

[Indiamalachite]

agree with @kip be very careful now as he will be watching I’m sure and is dangerous time. x*x

[Confused123]

Hi hun

Well done for being so strong, next step pretend u are still willing to make things go, he will try the extra nice act to yes confuse u, dont fall for it, go with your plans , i acted so normal towards the end and carried on doing evertything to move my plan, start removing your private documents out of house first and have a spare emergrency clothing bagsd for u and kids hidden somewhere or prefably at some one house

[nevertoolate]

Hi confused123 Thanks for reassuring me I’m doing the right thing. He is now being extremely nice and seems ok with me moving out. He even offered to help me which surprised me but I didn’t accept the offer. Still think this is some sort of mind game he is playing.

[AppleNinja]

Hi nevertoolate,

First of all, well done! It’s really good to hear that you are so determined and you’re actually making it happen.

Please be careful though and consider the suggestions above – pretend you are willing to give it another go. You’ve come too far to lose now. I wouldn’t trust him, I would be inclined to believe that he is, indeed, playing the game to confuse you and prevent your from going through with it.

Best of luck,
Apple

[nevertoolate]

Thank you for your encouragement Apple, you and the other ladies on here are keeping me going through all this.
I am still nervous around him so playing along with his lets work things out game is exhausting. Am really worried that if I’m too friendly he will want to kiss me or have me back in our bed when the thought of any physical intimacy repulses me.
And I feel like such a cow for pretending to make it work when in reality I can’t wait to divorce him!

[lilaclady]

Well done you. Keep strong and keep going! This all gives me hope that it can be done. We can get out of these horrible situations. xx

[Confused123]

hi Hun

Gosh forgot to pre warn u , yes dont accept help of him and whatever u do dont tell him where u r going to live, he just wants the address so he can stalk u after, keep going u can do this , even play him at his own game and say it will only be a tempoary situation as u bith need time apart to see whats happening, but we know we have no intention of going back , if he says but he wants to help , just say u need to do this on your own but appreciate his support (not)

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