Help?! Is this abuse?

[Shelly123]

current situation tryna keep my head above the water feel like im drowning and a failure to my baby. Im due back at work and dont feel stable enough but to the professional i have been seeing im doing well. This is what im currently up against and sinking fast.
• getting angry and threatning not to see thr baby if he doesnt get his own way
•threatning court and stating he will win
• now refusing to pay maintanece if u ask for it
•getting angry saying he doesnt know anything about his baby, but if i ring him he cancells my calls and tells me to text, if i text he tells me to call
•tells me to go out with baby, and he will work around our plans but if i do this he gets angry saying i have stopped contact
•being verbally abusive when dropping daughter off
•we make a contact agreement and days later he breaks it and then calls me crazy for being upset
•starts an argument then if i g*y upset belittles me calling me pathetic and crazy
•starts an argument and when i try speak to him he switches round as im the one in the wrong
•getting horrible texts from his gf (the one he cheated on me with)
My head is exploding and i feel a big failure. But im not sure if this is abuse or im being daft i did used to respond to him but now i dont so he is witholding babys maintence and hasnt seen baby in weeks

[Serenity]

It is abuse, Shelley 123, and don’t doubt it.

It’s mental, verbal and emotional abuse.He’s playing head games, trying to confuse you, blaming you for things that aren’t your fault and trying to make you fearful.

You say you made a contact agreement with him. I suppose you mean an informal one- notvthrough the courts? It could be that if the abuse escalates or even continues, you will need to go to court to get a formal contact order, stating specific contact times. If he doesn’t turn up for a contact, it will be his responsibility. And you can report any worrying behaviour he shows towards your kids in the future.

I would suggest that you call the NSPCC helpline on 0808 800 5000 as I did: they were brilliant in guiding and supporting me. Having the guidance of professionals really helps you to feel in control. The man who I spoke to was fantastic, and could see my situation for what it was.

Block his girlfriend. One good thing about getting a set contact order if that there will be minimal reason for you to be in contact with him, and there will less opportunity and room for him to manipulate and abuse. Once he knows you’ve spoken out and asked for official support, he will be more wary. Speaking out takes power away from these abusers, who are merely cowards.

Call Women’s Aid to be directed to local
support. My ex tried everything to destroy me through the children, and I am here to tell the tale. I wouldn’t be if I hadn’t accessed support. It’s too much to deal with alone.

You can beat his abuse through getting the right help and support. He won’t know where you’ve got your strength from.

Hugs x

[iwillbeok]

Hi hon,

Didn’t want to read n run. I’m sorry you’re goibg through this at a time when you should be able to enjoy your baby and make a transition back to work.

I believe this is abuse – he has you so tied up in knots about how to keep him happy. This is akl about control – he will just keep changing the ‘rules’ to keep you jumping through his hoops.

Hope there will be others along shortly with more practical advice. I just wanted to send you a hug and a ‘hang in there’.

X

[Nova]

Shelly…As Serenity says yes it is abusive.
Ring WA for professional help and signposting to local support., which you need.
Worth a visit to your GP to talk this over no doubt they will have other advice for you.

Document every single thing, however small, if you can fill in any gaps.. get a book, and document times, keep records of all texts etc, report it all back to your support worker, if that feels right for you, or another 3rd party you trust…this seems to be the first step of much needed evidence if needed to support you and your child.

Priority keep safe!!…
..do not meet him alone, 3rd party present at ALL times, &/or if possible don’t meet him at all, except through authorities..(obviously my opinion. I wouldn’t, hes angry) this will depend on professional WA advice.
Hugs Cx

[Shelly123]

Thanks everyone, wasnt sure if was abuse or not. I have been to my gp and going to ring my health visitor in the morning. I did try womens aid and it was ringing for so long i chickend out. I will try again. I have been seeing a therapist and they have helped alot. I just feel a failure to my baby and i try gard to maintain the relationship for babys sake. I also have a diary which has everythinh documented. All texts are saved i feel like a mug as i have messaged back practicly begging for him to see the baby or for him to just care about the baby and a few angry messages in there, so dont know how that would look in court. Thank you so much for your advice xx

[Author]

Posts