Help me… why do I keep begging him to stay?

[Pinotgrigio]

Physically, emotionally, psychologically abused for years. I see it happening, I know it’s happening. And yet… he somehow makes himself the victim. It came to a head a few weeks back after he assaulted me and a neighbour called the police. Now he’s leaving. I should be relieved, but he’s still playing me, getting me to admit to things I haven’t done during the relationship as though he wants to leave with a clear conscience. And I keep rolling over and accepting it. I’m so scared. Scared of being on my own, single mum etc. He keeps telling me how he needs to go out and be single again, it hurts. I know I’m being manipulated. My head and heart are fighting each other. I’m exhausted. I’m cut off from family and friends. I feel so weak. He did this to me yet I’m taking the blame. Someone talk some sense into me!!

[Iwantmeback]

Hi there consider this ‘The Chat’. Living with an abuser strips us of all rational thinking,even when we are being rational he comes along and turns our thoughts upside again. It’s like Alice in wonderland, constantly falling through the rabbit hole. Look up trauma bonding, failing in love and being scared whitless produces the same chemical reaction in our brains, it’s what helps us bond with our babies. When the same person is responsible for causing that chemical reaction it’s no wonder we get confused. Look up the FOG of abuse and the cycle of abus, both should help clarify what’s going on. Unfortunately living in the moment doesn’t help one bit. Take everything he says with a huge pinch of salt. Think reverse psychology on a grand scale. I left my oh over 6 months ago send ìm still having moments when he gets under my skin only because I have contact with him. I only hope and pray that when I get rehoused that will be us done for good.
Its great that you see his behaviour for what it is, just stay strong and know those feelings will lessen in time. I’m in a slightly better position in that I doubt live my husband at all now but I still find it hard to not see him, to let him down. We do what we do sweetheart, one day this will be over,of that I am sure.
IWMB 💞💞

[Pinotgrigio]

Thank you so much ❤ I’m having a difficult day. I’ve been suppressing so much. Today he pressed my buttons so much I had a full on panic attack, head down the loo and everything. Then I just shut down. Couldn’t engage properly even with my kids until he left the house. I just wish he would go now but we have so much to sort out financially. We work together so I need to leave and find a new job. It’s a mess. And I dont have any support. I know women who have made it to the other side, but it seems such a huge hill to climb and i dont know if I have the strength.

[KIP.]

Contact your local women’s aid for support x

[Anonymous]

We all felt like that. That we couldn’t do it. But lots of us have. Speak to Women’s Aid. Keep posting. You can do this.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi definitely contact WA, it’s three only wary to get out if this minefield. Ìm on the other side now, when I left, I just walked out, left a letter, but it took nearly a year to get to that stage. Sadly I still have contact with him, much more then I’d prefer, but still have that bit of obligation to cut away. Ìm starting to feel anger towards him now, cos he jyst won’t accept we’re over. I’m afraid of where that may take me, but will keep taking baby step after baby step.
Best wishes IWMB 💞💞

[Lisa]

Hi there Pinotgrigio, you can find the details for your local domestic abuse service here

keep posting

Best wishes

Lisa

[Iwantmeback]

Because we are on high alert, if you think of a 1-10 scale, we’re usually placed around 8.5-9 so anything no matter how trivial or threatening will tip us over the edge much quicker than if we were at a 2-3 level. Stay strong, it will get better in time once you’ve been away some time. 💞💞

[Author]

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