Help me

[Letsgetout]

Please please help all I have been awake all night can’t eat I’m in a disaster. I need him to breath, sleep, eat everything. I’m not strong enough to not contact him. If I go back i go without my kids as they don’t want tone go the hate him.
I feel guilty for ending it so very tierd.
Please someone talk I don’t know where to turn all I can think of is him.
Bless you all. Xxxx

[Eve1]

Hi Letsgetout,

can you phone the helpline? Or even the Samaritans? Anything to get a bit of support for yourself.

It’s very early days for you and it is tough. Have you read about Trauma Bonding? This is what’s happening to you and you absolutely can survive and eat, sleep and breathe without him.

This man says he loves you, but how can he when he is treating you and your children badly? He loves himself and no one else. Work towards having no contact with him, as this will help you get free from him. Re-read your posts and the advice from ladies on here.

Try to get some rest. I use guided sleep meditations on You Tube to help me relax and sleep. You could try that.

Eve
x

[KIP.]

It’s the trauma bonding. Stronger than love. Ask yourself what will happen if you return, what is the reality? You may get some temporary relief from your addiction to him but his abuse will get worse very quickly. The bond with your children will suffer and you will be back to square one. More isolated than ever. Talk talk talk. Talk to friends. Women’s Aid. The police. Social services. You are not thinking straight. Force food and water down. U need sustained, brain energy. I promise it will get easier if you can just stay no contact.

[Letsgetout]

Thank you so very much
X*x

[Iwantmeback]

Hi there please please don’t go to him. I ‘chose’ him and lost many years of my children growing up. Even now I’m so uncomfortable around them because of how guilty I feel at how our lives have turned out. I’m not in your position, I no longer am in love with my husband, I’m not sure how I’d feel when I leave,it’s not the path id have chosen but I’m on it now and only time will tell.
Best wishes
IWMB 💕💕

[Letsgetout]

I’m not going to lie I told him via text (detail removed by moderator) it was over it is now thutoday I got lots of texts back (detail removed by moderator) saying (detail removed by moderator) why don’t I call he lives me. Please reconsider. I feel so gulity. He has become my main brain thought.
Is it abuses I wonder or memail. I feel all messed up guilty bad unhappy. I don’t really know what’s going on. Xx

[KIP.]

Any contact with an abuser is toxic. It brings mind games and manipulation and you will never get closure. Keep working on zero contact. Block his number. Abusers will try every trick they can to hoover us back in. It’s all part of the cycle of abuse. He is not your responsibility and you have nothing to feel guilty about. Remember the FOG of abuse. Fear Obligation and Guilt. It will keep us trapped for years if we allow it. Give yourself some space from him. If it makes it easier take it hour by hour. I remember the brain chatter in the early days was awful. It gets less and less. It just shows how it’s not a normal break up. How the brainwashing has taken hold. The low self esteem and confidence doesn’t help either. The fact that abusers take up all our time and headspace. It’s hard to break away from what we perceived as our ‘normal’. As human beings we crave normality, even if it’s violent dysfunction. It will take time to get past this too but you can do this for you and your children. They are looking to you for protection.

[Author]

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