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    • #156065
      overcomer03
      Participant

      hi I’m hoping someone can help me. I am currently in an emotionally abusive relationship where my partner has controlling behaviours. My partner always uses that he brought me to the UK as a way of manipulating me emotionally. Its been an awful couple of years I’ve been through a lot. We are now separated and using different bedrooms and I know he doesn’t like this. He has said if I decide to leave I should leave the children with him which I won’t as he sometimes has binge drinking issues. I am now thinking of moving into a refuge as a way of safely leaving the relationship but I am SO NERVOUS as I don’t know what to expect. Also, we have a joint mortgage on the property but trying to get an occupation order would be a very distressing process hence the reason why I’m thinking of the refuge route. For those who were recently in a refuge I wanted to ask what life is like there? How long can I expect to stay there? How will my children cope? If I have a mortgage what support can I get with housing? Is it hard to find a refuge?
      Thank you xx

    • #156084
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      Hi overcomer03

      You will have your own space in refuge with your children and abuse is not tolerated. It sounds like it might be the best way to go whilst you get the occupation order done. He wouldn’t be considered safe to have children if he has drinking binges which incompacitate him. Your refuge worker would be able to support and advise you through this process and will probably be able to put you in touch with their local legal specialist in DA.

      It may be worth you calling in advance to be sure what your financial situation is. AFAIK you could potentially apply yourself under Schedule 1. You could call refuge, use the chat facility on here to ask, or call someone like Step-change for free financial advice.

      You and the children would be at greater risk being in the home with him whilst the order is put in place potentially, especially as you are already separating inside the home.

      You could have him removed the next time he is abusive and request an emergency non-molestation order to keep him away also.

      Think through your safest options. So sorry that you are going through this, it must be very hard being in the same home with him.

      warmest wishes

      ts

      • #157250
        overcomer03
        Participant

        thank you so much for the helpful advice!

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