Help needed please. In shock at the moment

[Marshmellow]

Hi, at the weekend my husband was arrested for a DV incident. We had been drinking and began arguing. (detail removed by moderator) We managed to get over it. But as he was arrested for it then I am guessing this is why they are being so strict now.

There are now bail conditions in place and he cannot contact me or come to the house and I am left feeling devastated that things have come to this. I don’t blame him at all, it was both our faults but the police will not listen to me and have not even contacted me to tell me what is going on.

I am financially dependent on him at present and do not know whether bills will be paid as we cannot talk. I am just so in shock and despair I do not know where to turn next. I have called various helplines and just get given other organisations to contact so am going round in circles.

The worst thing is not knowing whether we will still have a marriage after this, I want to fix things but maybe he doesn’t, but I cant find out and we have a privately rented house to sort out too. Everything is just a mess.

Just wondered if anyone has been in a situation like mine?

[Lisa]

Hi Marshmellow,

Thank you for your post. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. its understandable you are still in shock, it sounds like this has impacted on every aspect of your life and not knowing what the next step will be.

I understand it must be difficult feeling like you are being left in the dark about what is happening. your safety is really important and you are not to blame for what happened. This is someone you did build a life with and you will be feeling a lot of mixed emotions.

You are dealing with a lot at the moment so do be kind to yourself and its okay for you to ask the police for updates if you need to. It may also be worth linking in with your local domestic abuse service for ongoing support.

Take care and keep posting

Lisa

[bouncedback]

Hi i am new to the forum,but read your message,i am (detail removed by moderator) i have had the same situation,i really feel for you,there are people out there to help you,i had to go to stepchange to help me with my finances,they were and are amazing.go and get help,dont let him back,it will not stop,i can voiuce for that,you will get out of this.i did,and i am paying my debts off (detail removed by moderator) and all my family for while,i took him back after all that,now i am in control of my money and life.you will be ok.love x

[Allornothing]

Hi, I completely understand how you are feeling. This happened to me a few times and all I wanted to do was hug him and make things right. Looking back now, I should’ve run and accepted support, I should’ve listened to the officer who practically begged me not to drop the charges.

But only you know your own mind and weirdly, we all seem to have to go through a process whereby we seem to need to get to a point of accepting their behaviour is not acceptable.

You need to look after yourself, he is a grown man and not your responsibility. Take time for yourself and put yourself first. Sending love xx

[Marshmellow]

Thank you Lisa and Allornothing for your comments. Trying so hard to get my head around everything, it’s really hard.

I know from reading some of the posts on the forum there are people who have had things a lot worse than me, but it’s still a shock xx

[Author]

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