- This topic has 9 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 8 months ago by
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Just want to know it gets better because right now I feel numb and lost and as if I’m about to die without him.He battered me on (Detail removed by Moderator) and last thing he said was u deserved that before bursting into tears and leaving me in the street.After all that the only thing on my mind was was he cheating? We both had trust issues and I’m convinced he was,why do I care after he battered me so violently and said the worst things about me and my kids I should hate him,I’m so effing weak but i need closure and he’s just vanished from my life x
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You’re not pathetic you’re abused. What he did to you was illegal and totally unacceptable. I’ve been where you are so I know the desperation you feel. I can promise you with zero contact and time you will get through this. You will realise that he never cared for you. He is an abuser and nothing can excuse his abusive behaviour. Google trauma bonding x
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You will never get closure from an abuser. I once read it’s like someone unexpectedly dying. You just have to accept that there will never be closure. Not the kind you need. Abusers lie and manipulate. My ex was cheating as many abusers seem to do. Then accuse us of the same. I rang the police and there was lots of help available for me once I spoke up. Abusers thrive on silence. Please speak up. Trust issues is no excuse to physically batter a woman. That’s a low life coward that does that kind of thing. You don’t want that kind of man near your kids x
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I’m so angry Kip I’ve text him and tried ringing him and he’s ignoring me how does that work?? He’s probably sat laughing his head off not giving a s**t.I thougt abusers apologise and grovel so why is (Detail removed by Moderator) treating me like I’m wrong.i can’t even report it this time because social services are involved and gave me one last chance to end it but I didn’t so he walks away laughing while I’m broken inside And out xx
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Thankyou for taking the time to respond I just can’t believe he hasn’t tried to contact me,probably lining up his next victim.I have involved police previously but this was by far the worst on (Detail removed by Moderator) and hes got away with it,I’ve read about trauma bonding and it all rings true.I honestly thought we were in love,him ignoring me is that sort of the abuse too?? I just thankgod we have no kids together and I thankyou for telling me it gets better it’s what I need to hear right now xx
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Please block his number. The need for him to contact is because of the abuse. It’s like a drug. We crave the high of him being nice when we are feeling bad so much that we ignore the fact that he is the one making us feel that bad. You need to break out of that cycle, and going no contact is the only way.
Your abuser is clearly dangerous. You know that. He’s horrible to you, and although you feel like you are in love with him it’s actually intense trauma bonding that ties you to him.
You can break the cycle and get away from him. You deserve so much better than your life right now. It’s hard to begin with, but with no contact things begin to improve. Write on here and call the helpline to help yourself stay strong. If you can’t get through on the helpline and need to talk to someone urgently then call the Samaritans. Just don’t contact him.
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Thankyou thankyou thankyou it’s so good to hear that it’s him who’s the monster.He made me feel worthless and I had self esteem issues when I met him.Ive snapped my sim so I physically can’t contact him,I want him to miss me but he clearly never have a s**t and it’s finally dawning on me that it wasn’t passionate it was poison and my kids want their mum back and I deserve more than (Detail removed by Moderator) who hates women x*x hope everyone else is doing well and I’m here for anyone who needs to talk,I’m good at giving advice lol just not hearing it x*x
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Missmadge
Try not to think about him.
Some new things to do, new people to meet, travelling, courses etc. Your life is established around him and his needs. Try to turn it around your own personality. Doesn’t matter, what he is thinking or doing or saying. Just say to yourself – I don’t care! Think about yourself instead! try to fill your life with the things you love and enjoy, you’ve just forgotten this all while being with him! -
On the self esteem front, my esteem was I tatters when I left my abuser. I found it really helpful when I was feeling bad about myself to think and ask myself if I was feeling bad about something I truly believed, or if it was something that my abuser had told me so often that I believed it. My esteem also wasn’t great when I got into my abusive relationship, but it got much worse with the abuse. As time has gone on, with no contact and no abuse it has been possible for me to rebuild my confidence and believe in myself again.
Maybe start with just small acts of self care. Whatever helps to make you feel good. It could be taking a bath, or reading a book or doing some kind of hobby which you enjoy. Or having food you enjoy, or painting your mails. Really anything goes. The key thing is to feel that you are looking after yourself, because you deserve to be cared for. The more you can reinforce this for yourself the better. It helps with self esteem which in turn helps keep you away from the addictive lure of your abuser.
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