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    • #129394
      Stressedandalone
      Participant

      Well (detail removed by moderator) my ex rang me giving me lots of abuse because he isn’t seeing our daughter due to safeguarding issues, called me all names under the sun. He was cheating on me for quite some time but had told family it was over. Then (detail removed by moderator) I called him and she answered swearing at me and being her nasty self, I’ve received a few picture messages off her of them together. I’m so scared this woman will get near my daughter when she’s so nasty. Can I change my number so neither can get in contact, I have blocked them both though anyway but I just wondered if he does take me to court will it look bad me changing my number?? Thank you. It’s really affecting me more than I thought. He’s just not the man I thought he was and I worry about our daughter and what life she has to come

    • #129411
      KIP.
      Participant

      I think now would be a great time to change your number and the reason is his harrassment and abusive phone call. Keep a journal of his behaviour and let someone know about his call. In fact I’d consider reporting it to the police. Definitely change your number and if he or she continues to contact you then consider involving the police. Do not call either of them. This doesn’t look good if you’re complaining they’re harassing you so you need to be careful and give them no ammunition. If he wants to see his child then there is a legal process for that. In the meantime make sure you’re the resident parent and give him nothing he can use against you.

    • #129461
      Stressedandalone
      Participant

      It’s so horrible thinking this is the person he picked over me, she’s so horrible. I just don’t want her ever around my daughter. I’m so scared of what they would say or do if he ever got custody of her. I’m sure he will say everything under the sun about me and lie because that’s the person he is. Every word is a lie.

    • #129463
      KIP.
      Participant

      He picked her because he can easily manipulate her. Abusers are always looking for partners they can manipulate and control and eventually destroy. It’s what gives them pleasure but you’re one step ahead. Abusers are pathological liars so they won’t remember their lies and will lie in the moment. That’s where your journal will come in handy and any evidence you can collect like abusive texts and emails. Get support from Women’s Aid. They help women to deal with men like him every day. Gather a support network around you. Build on it from WA to police to solicitor, friends and family and keep working on zero contact. Any contact with him is toxic and takes away your control. He’s all about control x

    • #129471
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Hi Stressedandalone,

      I’m sorry you are going through this.
      I’m sure you have a number of safeguarding concerns. Please make a list of all of them, and any historical abuse towards your daughter.
      I’ve dealt with police and social workers who accepted abusive behaviour from my ex as a response to stopping access to our children. In my situation, any focus on concerns regarding my ex’s current partner has been dismissed. And used by my ex to fuel his lies. Saying I’m jealous and trying to get him back by keeping his children away. It is hurtful to see the type of person they can be with and how nasty they are. My ex’s partner upset my children several times, but she was not a physical risk, so social services didn’t care. I just wanted to say be careful what you focus on, as this can be twisted. Also, I’ve been told that my ex has parental responsibility and has the right to decide who he can bring around the children, which made my concerns look controlling.
      After we separated it was very hard for me to articulate the risk I know my ex partner is.
      Just be careful how you share your concerns, and refrain from talking about how hurt you are by his choice of partner. Make sure you have a list of safeguarding concerns for you daughter that do not link his partner in.
      It would be worth seeking legal advice before he takes you to court.
      Best wishes! xx

    • #129476
      Stressedandalone
      Participant

      Yes I have already spoken to a solicitor and she has advised that it will be unlikely he will get more than supervised visits in a contact centre. His new partner has threatened me a few times and loves to send me (detail removed by moderator). She’s also threatened my oldest son too. It’s just such a nightmare as he said he had finished with her to concentrate on our daughter but then days later she was (detail removed by moderator). She’s a very nasty piece of work and so is he. They are very well suited. I’m hoping the police will be helpful tomorrow too but I know there is only so much they can do. I have kept everything but unfortunately you can’t prove the phone calls. My journal is very full too. He’s had my solicitors letter for over (detail removed by moderator) now but hasn’t done anything. I’m hoping he won’t bother to be honest as my daughter is a lot better off without him and her in her life.

      • #129478
        Anonymous
        Inactive

        Sounds like you are on the right track. That’s a relief about what the solicitor advised. I’m hoping it all works out for you. I think everyone is better off without abusive men, their children too.
        We are here for you xx

    • #129480
      Bettertimesahead
      Participant

      You can get an app on your phone that will automatically record calls. Might be worth looking at. Hope police are helpful

    • #129489
      Stressedandalone
      Participant

      Oh really, thank you I never knew that, will look into it. I’ve blocked them both now too so hopefully I shouldn’t get anymore.

    • #129490
      Daff
      Participant

      Hi I changed my number as soon as I left partly due to needing a new contract but he had other ways to contact me so I said to use them instead of giving my number out. I’ve had messages from him and his girlfriend plus her family members and the police told me to block them all. I tried to work with him for the children but there are safeguarding issues with him and his girlfriend. Hes not the person I thought he was especially when it comes to children. Our break up was very calculated and manipulated to ensure that I was seen like the bad person by every one we both know. ive come to realise it’s his way of still having a hold over my life but its still difficult and to see a time when I can fully move forward.

    • #129502
      Stressedandalone
      Participant

      That’s exactly how I feel. They must have planned it for weeks what he was going to do. Very calculated. She’s very manipulative too. I’m just worried if I per-sue an harassment case that she will just make things worse for me. Like she will find some way of twisting it and he would do anything to help her. I just feel like I’m waiting for them to do something else constantly.

    • #129571
      Living Warrior
      Participant

      I agree, now is a great time to change ur number… and go no contact. Keep a record of all the behaviour and take screen shots etc off possible.
      I had to get legal help to keep my ex away, and stop him continuing his harrassment and abuse through child contact.. this is normal apparently, but the best thing I ever did was get legal advice.. these people twist the truth to suit their own needs. I was horrified when I found out the extents my ex has gone through to harrass me through contact, twisted the truth to fit his version of lies.. luckily for every lie he told I had evidence backing me up… hence why making a log and taking screen shots of everything is ideal!
      Good luck x*x stay strong

    • #129582
      Stressedandalone
      Participant

      Thank you. I’m trying to stay strong bit it’s the not knowing what they will do next or say. He used somebody else’s number to call me (detail removed by moderator) and emailed too  (detail removed by moderator). He then proceeded to message my mom and make threats to her, calling me names again. It was the threat of he’s only, (detail removed by moderator). Just so scared about losing my daughter.

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