Help please – those of you after getting out

[searchingforhope]

I’m so lost right now. Posting and reading alot on here lately. Looking for relief whereever I can.

I have a place to move to, and lease signed and my doubts are spiralling again. I need to see my way out the other side. He’s not living at home now with months, but I need to leave there, it doesn’t feel like home, I’ve no peace there anymore. But I need to find the strength to say I’m actually leaving the house and tell him move back in and I need to tell the kids too.

I’m so overwhelmed and scared and trying to hold it all together, but I’m so so tired. I don’t feel i’ve much left to push forward now.

Is there anything you would advise to help at this stage? Was it similar for you? How did you do it? Can you get past it?

[Twisted Sister]

Hello searchingforhope

I understand why home is no longer home for you. Is it his house, or yours, or joint? rented? As if its not owned you can just let it go, right? No need to say anything to him. Otoh, if its a jointly mortgaged property, is he still contributing to the mortgage? If its rented will he be allowed to just move back in? Would he want to?

Sorry, I needed to ask all those questions, but it makes a difference to how you can move forward to the new lease you have signed up for.

Perhaps someone else can let him know the house is vacated once you have left, so that you don’t have to be involved in any convos with him about the house or where you have gone to?

He could then choose to move back or not, or would you be left with the rental of the house if its rented?

Do keep posting and talking this through as its more exhausting if its just going around and around in your head, its easier on you to try to write it down and get it outof your head. I hope you can sleep well tonight and look after yourself, eat well and take things gently.

warmest wishes

ts

[searchingforhope]

Thanks TS. My name isn’t on house deeds but is on the mortgage. He’s lodged very little in the months since he left to the joint account, wouldn’t cover (detail removed by Moderator) mortgage payments. I’ve got nothing more from him, nor have I asked, as I anticipate his answer would be well this is your choice, you’ve created this.

I would think he would just move back in, at least then when he has time with kids they have somewhere to be with him rather than me leaving the house.

Thanks so much for your support.

My head is starting to churn again and my insides are in utter knots. I text him about meeting up so I can tell him, he hasn’t read the message. Probably, I think, in retaliation for me ignoring his “I love you” messages.

I’m so so tired of this now. all i want is to be through it now.

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