- This topic has 54 replies, 14 voices, and was last updated 8 years ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
He gets angry even when you do answer the phone. It’s not the phone. He uses that as an excuse to hurt you. You said yourself sometimes he abuses you for not answering quick enough. He just moves the goal posts as an excuse to hurt you x mine used to do it with dinner and he worked overtime and I never knew when he would be in x
-
-
-
-
-
Hi
Don’t worry you are safe there. Tell the nurses, and police, just how scared you are. They are used to this situation, you’re not, rely on their expertise.
Phone your family too if you can to let them know the truth, see if perhaps someone can come to be near you or with you?
I’m so sorry you are hurt but so relieved you were brave and called for help, that took courage and you should be proud of your strength. Keep posting let us know how you are. I’d hug you (gently) if I was there so please accept the one I’m wishing for you now. Now you’ve got away please don’t go back, listen to the advice and keep safe xxxxx -
Take some deep breaths. Ask for someone from the mental health department. You can do this. Ask for a quiet room. Concentrate on your breathing. Breathe in deep slow breaths. You can do this. You are safe there. You have people who can help you there…….. He doesn’t know you are there. Don’t panic x x
-
-
Hun, you do not need to say anything to him. Tell the hospital people not to tell him where you are.
I am so glad you called the ambulance.
Hun, I needed two operations. This is serious. You need to save your life. Such injuries can kill. They have to investigate and stitch you up if needed.
Please, refuse to go home!Tell them everything and never go back home!
I am crying right now. Please be strong and save yourself. This is your way out!
Big hugs!
-
They are going to give me something to calm me, so I can talk to the police. He has tried calling my mobile, they say they won’t let him near me.
They are keeping me here in hospital tonight.
I have several breaks, they want to photograph all the marks on my body and I have to have an exam on my lady parts. I am shaking and crying. It’s like I’m heading for another breakdown. You have all been so kind I don’t deserve it, this is all my fault
-
-
-
You are not having breakdown you are in shock after the attack. Tell your story to the police. Tell the truth, every single horrible part of it, bits you forget to say and they come back to you later write them down and tell them another time.
You are being so brave and you are on your own as well. Have you phoned your family? I’m sure they’d like to know. You may feel embarrassed telling them I know I was – but don’t be, they need to know so they can support you and maybe someone can come to you and be with you.
Keep going you are doing well. Trust those helping you – they are on your side xx -
-
-
Hey hun
Please be strong, u did the best thing calling ambulance, let the police know how fearful you are, dont let him make any contact with you, refuse to go home, and get the help u so deseerve hun, this is the time to talk now , i know your head is spinning and you are in shock, but please press charges against him, can u call a family memember, thinking of u , none of this is your fault you never ask for none of this,it was his choice to do this , do not blame yourself
-
-
-
I have made a statement to the police, they were lovely, and did it at my pace.
The hospital staff have been so kind, they have managed to find me a sideroom. I can’t sleep my mind is on overdrive and everyway I lay hurts. I wish I could stop shaking and crying. He has text me, he is going mad at me. I wish I had never come here, I need to go home. -
Switch your phone off. Don’t read his texts. I know you want to go home but that’s the agorophobia and anxiety making you feel that way. It is dangerous for you to go home. You are safe where you are and there are people around you who can help. Can you ask for stronger medication to help you sleep? Keep any texts and messages and show them to the police. I know it’s scary. Can you ring a family member or friend that you trust. Just to talk to?
-
They are waiting for a Dr to come and prescribe something to help me sleep. I have had a second dose of whatever they gave me to help me relax and calm down earlier. I don’t want to speak to my family yet, I haven’t spoken to them for a while and I don’t want them to see me like this. I couldn’t take anything in that the police said, I don’t really understand what happens now. They said they were going to arrest him, but I lost what they were saying after that
-
Hope you managed to rest a bit more comfortably and stopped looking at his texts. Save them and show them to the police if they are threatening.
Please think again about phoning your family tell them he’s held you as a virtual prisoner and now hurt you badly.
Try to relax and rest and start to recover from your physical injuries.
You did the right thing calling for help and talking to the police x*x -
Hi, sending you strength this morning. He will be arrested by now and he will lie and say that nothing is true and probably try to turn things around. The police knows the tactics.All abusers behave in the same way.
Do not be afraid anymore.
The hospital will arrange a refuge for you. They have social workers and psychologists. Make use of all the help you can get.
Do not answer his texts or calls.
At some point you may be asked whether you want a non molestation order. Get that order for him as soon as you can.
X*x -
-
You have been through hell, it’s ok to feel everything now. Feel the pain, feel th sadness feel the anger, feel the confused, let them come, then you tell your self you don’t deserve all that, and he has no right did that to you to whatever reason. You might wanted him coudle you, say sorry, and make everything ok, but ask you self will he do that or he will do worse than this to you? You need to be brave, strong for your self, you need to hold your self and make sure you save.
I know how hard is that as I have been assaulted, not as bad as you it the pain is so real. But you taken step, big step to save your self, to look after your self. Don’t look back. Don’t think about him. Think about your self. You don’t deserve what you e been through.
Love and big hug -
Think that you have been so brave. Have been thinking about you all through the night. No one deserves to be treated like that. If a stranger had done it they would be arrested immediately so just because he’s your husband why should he be treated differently. Don’t give up now as you have crossed the first most difficult point. Just remember we are all thinking about you.
-
You’re in shock, please don’t even think about going home. Take the time to recover in hospital and ask to be given somewhere safe to go when you’re well enough. Glad you spoke to the police, it’s important you tell them what happened and how you are feeling, being scared of him. You sounded absolutely terrified of him and it’s just not right for anyone to be made to feel like that. Listen to the ladies here and don’t go home. It’s dangerous.
Maybe now is a time to speak to your family. I don’t know your background and why you haven’t spoken with them for a while but your family will be horrified at what you’ve gone through and I’m sure will help you in any way they can. Speak to the hospital staff, take any help offered to you now and stay away from him. They will be able to arrange a place at a women’s refuge for you where you can take your time recovering and getting stronger.
I really feel for you and hope that you recover from your physical injuries soon. The mental effects are going to take a lot longer to heal and you need to take your time to deal with it all.
Sending you big hugs.
-
He has been arrested! They say he’ll also be suspended from his job. But I don’t really understand all they were telling me it was to much to take in.
They are sending me home tomorrow, they are concerned about my mentle health so are keeping me tonight I have to see someone, only I can’t go home can I. If he can do this to me for just wanting to go away for a few days, what will he do to me now. -
Hi Prisoner,
Thank you so much for your post. You have been so brave in such a terrifying situation. I know that it must be totally overwhelming so please try and get as much support as you can. Have you thought about maybe contacting your family now? Perhaps there is a nice nurse who could make the phone call to them, explaining what has happened? Is there an IDVA (independent domestic violence advocate) in the hospital or a social worker who can talk to you about a safety plan and your options going forward? There is plenty of support for you and we are all here for you. If you feel like you want to talk then please know you can phone the helpline any time.
Please be kind to yourself.
Best wishes,
Lisa
-
-
Hi Prisoner,
You are doing so well. I am pleased that you have had someone to come and see you. If it is too hard for you to make the initial call to your family ask a kind professional to do that for you and to brief them of the situation. It might be easier for you and your family members that way. You are incredibly brave and you do not have to go home at all.
We are all here for you.
Best wishes,
Lisa
-
-
Hi Prisoner
Im so glad your parents are on their way – it must be hard knowing they are going to see you like this but they wold rather that than risk you going back home don’t you agree? Go to your parents house with them they will defiantly keep you safe and if he turns up or threatens to dial 999 straight away. Keep any texs that he sends and keep logs of any calls that he makes to you or your family. I am sure part of his bail conditons will be to stay away from you and if he breaks that he will be in even more trouble. Please reach out and get as much help and support as you can and keep posting here – we are all here for you
Take care Prisoner xx -
-
Prisoner – can you try to just try to concentrate on short periods of time i.e. think about getting through the next half hour without worrying about the bigger picture if that makes sense? Things look less daunting if you can try and do that, do shorter periods of time if you need to
Its really not safe for you to go home you know that deep down don’t you? I know that is what you have always known but things are different now – you have started the path to find freedom and live a calm and fulfilled life. You have done the hard bit now and Im sure your parents will support you and we are all really proud of you for making that call and for telling the police and the hospital your story. It may to feel like it but this is the turning point for you to have a better life x -
Hi Prisoner – you are doing so well, PLEASE keep going, you CAN DO this there is so much help out there – PLEASE let the professionals help you, let your parents help you.
I know it’s hard to think straight right now, with all that’s going on, but please remember YOU did nothing wrong by wanting to visit your family, any normal man would have no problem with that.
You know you had to call the ambulance, you were in such pain, and your health, and your LIFE was in danger. You hand to tell the police, get him stopped and keep him away from you, keep you safe, he had to be stopped.
Your parents will want to be there for you, they will want to help you, take care of you and keep you safe, PLEASE let them protect you.
Oh Prisoner PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE don’t go back home – you’ve taken the first big step – you’ve got out, you’ve got away, you’re safe now, he can’t hurt you any more.
Thinking of you,
Take care,
Stay safe.
x*x
-
Hi, I am so glad the social worker looks for a refuge place for you. I think you should go in a refuge, get a support worker and get counseling. You need to take all the help you can get. The refuge will be a very safe place, because nobody will know where you are.
The abuser will be released on bail and he will be out whilst waiting for his trial. For this reason the refuge is the safest place for you.
He will be given bail conditions. Make sure you know what they are. They probably tell him that he is not allowed to contact you. If he does you can ring the police and he goes straight back into jail.You have done incredibly well!
Carry on being so strong. Everything is overwhelming, but you need to hang in there. Do not get back home. If you need to take things from there you can only do this if police goes with you. Always remember that material things are replaceable and your life and health are more precious than anything. First and foremost you need to stay safe.
We are all here for you.
Keep posting. x*x -
My mum was so upset when she saw me. The nurse had explained how I look but I don’t think it sunk in until she saw me. They have just left as the visiting is nearly over they’ve had a long drive and need to go to the hotel. I didn’t want them to see me, but now. I am sat here just wanting my mum, just wanting her to hold me, and make everything better like when I was a child!
I still have to try and talk to them, I couldn’t find the words to tell them he has raped me, that along side what they could see I have bruising and tearing from this also. How do I tell them that just thinking about it makes me feel dirty.
-
HI Hun
Have been thinking of u all day , hope u feeling bit better today, please , please do no to go back to your house, go to refuguee or even better go home with your mum and dad and you can always got o a refugee after, right now u need to be far away from him as possible and if u have your family support take it. Get close to your mum now, your prob in shock and numb right now, i was isolated from everyone inc family when i was with my abuser , when i left i was in private renting, i just told my mum the truth of hte ordeal i went through, dont think your mum wont be able to take it, something about mums they will just listen, my mum was horrified listening to me, but the best thing was she said its ok, just go on and tell me , she encouraged me to cry and gave me reassurance that i was safe now, your mum will make you stronger , tbe best thing my mum said to me was im never gonna give my daughter back to him, i could just give u a massive hug, im so proud u called the ambulance, please go no contact with him, block his no, dont let him get to u
-
Aww, it is great that they came. They will support you. This is what you need. Do not worry that you could not talk yet. Your mum will probably know what happened. Mums have a sixth sense.
Please do not feel dirty.
The abuser chose to do this to you. It was solely his decision. You had no choice in this. You did not choose that this happened to you. It is only the abuser’s responsibility. He is the one who is dirty.
You are so brave! x*x -
Hi, I’m so glad your mum and dad came. You said you wanted your mum to hold you and make it better like when you were a child. Tell her – she’ll be dying to give you a hug too I’m sure. You’ll probably feel you want to push them away as you feel you’ve let them down by not stopping him doing this to you. I bet your dad will be fuming that a man would treat his daughter like you’ve been treated, and they’ll both probably feel sad they haven’t been able to stop this happening to you.
They may not “get” domestic abuse but point them in the direction of the information on this site to help them understand it better.
Your mum and dad will help you, they can’t fix it they can’t change him or undo the cruelty you’ve been subjected to but they can be there for you and keep you safe. My mum’s been my rock (she’s practically a fossil she’s so old!!). She’s been there to listen and advise me and tell me my dad and his brothers would have beaten my ex up had they still been alive but as they’re not maybe they’ll all haunt him and freak him out – she makes me laugh!
Take care of yourself, ask for help and take whatever help you are offerred. Sleep well and I hope the pain of your injuries is a bit less tonight xx -
Could you maybe write it down? That could be an easier way of telling them. None of my family know my husband raped me, I made the decision to drip feed them the details, so with each bit they charge him with I tell them. If they don’t charge him with rape they will never know it happened. But they have been so supportive about what they do know, I sometimes wish I’d told them. Please try you will need there support.
Please don’t go home from what you have said he sounds so dangerous. You are so strong you can do this.
-
Well I am going home. Only I am not going home, I am going home with my family. he has been bailed, they say he is not allowed to contact me, but we’ll see, I didn’t ask what will happen about his job but I’m guessing he’ll be suspended.
I haven’t been able to tell my mum he raped me yet but I guess that’ll come. They are planning on taking me shopping, I have no clothes or underwear or anything, but going out in public feels far to much
-
-
-
Lovely to hear that. You don’t need to tell your mum yet she’ll understand you don’t want to discuss everything. My mum still doesn’t know about mine but I didn’t feel brave enough to take it further at the time but she knows an awful lot of the rest of it.
Sleep well tonight you are safe and obviously loved a lot x*x
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
