Here I am again

[Sad and alone]

I feel bad posting sometimes and not yet able to offer anyone else advice or support. I feel like I am feeling sorry for myself all the time but I am at the end of my tether.

I have been doing a good job of not rising to comments that I felt were fishing for an argument. He wanted me to disagree with him. I have ignored the scowls and glares and silent treatment and tried to potter along doing things. But today I lost control and bit back which I hate but I get pushed and pushed and it just goes off which opens me up to the usual abuse about how I’m not a woman, I don’t support him, I don’t do anything, I have no interest in anything. I am so tired. I start crying which I hate (detail removed by moderator)

Tomorrow I’m meant to be doing something nice, something I love doing, but something he would be coming to. I don’t have the strength to do it by myself as I feel so weak about everything these days I can’t be independent. But I’ve said f it, I’m not doing it, as my heart just isn’t in it as I can’t enjoy it because of him. I know I shouldn’t cancel things. He will say no, you should do it, I’ll help, but I think it’s just another way of controlling. A bit like when he gets mad and says he’ll take me to the train station and then when I say fine and try and pack he’s following me around and then basically won’t take me saying he doesn’t want me to leave.

I’m also meant to have a family member visiting in a few days. I said here before I felt like cancelling as I didn’t know how he was going to behave but someone said I should let them come and enjoy some time with them. He started being derogatory about them earlier and I said to him I was cancelling it and would tell them not to come. He says no, still have them here. Again I think he’s afraid if I do it then the cat will be out the bag. I’d have to tell the family member why as what other excuse can I come up with? It just hurts knowing what he thinks of them and that he will be humouring them the whole time, unless he gets a strop on about something which he’s done before and then it’s uncomfortable and I feel embarrassed.

I have said to him I can’t do anything right. Ever. (detail removed by moderator) I am starting to realise this controlling behaviour goes back so far in our relationship and is just getting worse and worse. I used to think after an argument we’d go back to “normal” for a bit and I could “forget” about the rubbish stuff for a bit but this time around it’s just going on and on and I can’t see an end to it.

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Sad and alone

I think that point does come to us all eventually, the realisation that its just going to start all over again, and actually never stop, despite all the promises and apologies!

Don’t ever worry about posting, this thing isn’t easy or straightforward, and is a real roller-coaster of emotions and struggles, we all just do the best we can in a very abnormal situation where normal rules don’t apply.

Personally, from experience, I would just ignore whatever he thinks of your visitor, and get on and enjoy yourself, you have no need to feel his embarrassment, your visitor is there to enjoy your company, and he can do as he pleases and be false if thats what he chooses to do. If you get the chance to have a good time then take it 🙂

Do keep posting whenever you need.

warmest wishes

ts

[tiredofitall]

Hi, please don’t worry about keep posting. You must let it out somewhere and you are among people who understand.
My ex was always like this. He’d encourage my family to come over but then always run them down before they got there. Almost testing whether I’d stick up for them or agree with him. Every conversation felt like a trap.
I ended up avoiding him more and more to avoid the risk of setting him off. The unpredictability was so predictable!! I never had impromptu visitors- that would always set him off. People always had to arrange visits in advance.
He would do things for me but then it would be held against me.
I ended up doing lots of things on my own in the end because the anxiety of doing it by myself was less than doing it with him.
Take care of yourself x

[nbumblebee]

My gosh i have posted weekly for 2 years 🤣 so honestly dont worry we are here to help.
Mine is the same in fact i dont now have anyone eound its too much he hates it i get stressed they have to be gone by the time he gets home nah i have given up there. Sounds horrible eh? This is what happens though so stick to your gins see your friend and enjoy your day because if you cancel he will win and next time he will win again and again until like me you just give up.
Once you see thats it. I drive myself crazy going back to old memories thinking gosh wow thats wrong that wasnt nice etc i cant believe i never saw it before but we live what we live and until our eyes are opened we cant see.
The more we learn the less we can fogive or forget like you im finding it harder and harder each time to forget i see this as a good thing is it me getting myself ready to take that leap? Am i now ready to start finding my way back? Yeah i think so and maybe thats what you are doing too? We cannot keep allowing these men to control us.
I hope you manage to have a nice time sweetie with your friend at your event.
Stay safe and strong xxxxxx

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