Here we go again

[nbumblebee]

Im so sorry to post again.
I just need to talk.
Ive been college till late got home and hubby is dressed to go out he wants to go dinner so i run get changed quick. We start to walk and our teen starts to moan we have an argument I say im going home but hubby says no come on so we carry on. Then hubby says no im going home and walk back as our teen is being eotten as kids do.
I agree he doesnt deserve a treat so i cook.
Kid and I talk it out he says sorry we hug.
He says sorry to hubby but no he wont take it.
Husband then refuses to eat dinner and starts to complain that im not home till late one day a week. He is cross with me and i dont know why.
He has now gone bed saying he feels poorly so Ive left him to it. I am sitting here crying feeling bad for our kid who never meant to cause an argument and actually i dont know why it has hubby is ignoring me and im left wondering what ive done wrong.
My guess is he is angry i am still attending college he hates it so much I think he was angry anyway and ww no doubt wouldve had this nastiness even without our lads grump. My heart breaks for him he now feels so guilty as he says his dad is cross with me now. Ive explained its nit his fault but god its so unfair.
Im just so fed up so sick of it all.
Am I wrong in thinking a “normal” husband wojldnt have reacted this way?
Will this ever end?

[longjourneylife]

Oh honey, know what you’re going through. Ultimately NO it’s bit normal. There’s NO making sensei why or when the cause arguments or bad feelings. Mine did it every single day and night and I internalised the pain of his words, it’s damaged my body through stress and anxiety. Release yourself from his power. He has no power over you. How he acts is unacceptable behaviour. My eldest suffered the same, it was heartbreaking, thank goodness you’re there for him, but you must think of your well being too. Toxic environment s aren’t good for anyone x

[nbumblebee]

Thank you so much for your reply. I fewl so daft asking if its normal but sometimes its hard to know isnt it? This is all i ever known xx

[longjourneylife]

It was supposed to read Not normal!

[Bananaboat]

A normal person might get angry/upset but would ultimately recognise the hurt they’ve caused and stop. It’s not fair that he’s made your teen feel like this, been there and it’s awful, our kids feel more than we realise and it was my teen who helped me see I needed to get out. I suspect he would’ve found any reason not to get to the meal and cause an argument, like you say it could’ve been the time you got home, the time it took to get ready, the restaurant being busy or food taking too long, unfortunately on this occasion it’s your child. I’m sorry your evening has been spoilt. Can you watch tv without him and not let the whole thing be a write off? xx

[nbumblebee]

Thank you so much for your words kid and myself had pizza talked and now hes on his game with his mates he seems un hurt by it all now.
Me ive been downstairs crying dreading the weekend i hate bank holidays an extra day with him fills me with dread. Am just hanging on to the knledge I did good at college (detail removed by Moderator) i was told i was hood at something I felt good for a while im beginning to think thats what he hates me being good at something. Its one thing to see and understand its another to know what to do with that knowledge xxxxx

[nbumblebee]

Wanted to post a little update. I went to bed last night and as i did he got uo went downstairs i follpwed him and asked him what was wrong and he had that look on his fave that nasty one we all know so i left him to it before it could turn nasty and went back to bed. (detail removed by Moderator) i ask him whats wrong he actually said that he was unhappy because i am happy with my life my college my work. His words he actually said that.
What sort of husband says that thinks that?
Im devestated. Its like now i have to make a choice his happiness or mine xx

[GrumbleBear]

This!! I have been told my husband hates that I love my job! He has also said he’s stuck in while i’m out enjoying life…..he refuses to make friends or take himself out anywhere! He is only happy when I’m at home cleaning and cooking! I’m off to Uni (detail removed by Moderator) and this is currently causing mega issues!!! He says it’s not a guarantee I’ll be allowed to go yet because of money. Little does he know i’ve already accepted my place! I’m tired of being stuck in his little bubble!! The men that act like this (and some women too i’m sure) have real problem when our worlds span further than them!
I have friends and a life outside the house now, away from my children (who I adore) but this is something he tries to make me feel guilty over!
You do you, enjoy college and be f*****g proud of yourself!!!

[Lifebegins]

Hi nbumblebee, was he nasty to you and hurt you and ruined days/evenings out and special occasions and probably a whole lot of other things before you started work and college?

If my experience is anything to go by, I would guess yes. People don’t just become abusers out of nowhere because you start doing something they don’t like. This is just current justification. If you gave work and college up tomorrow, he’d find another reason.

Sadly he’s trying to ruin this good experience for you. Men like this want to drain the joy out of anything that might bring you happiness and fulfilment. It’s not a choice of your happiness or his. I don’t think abusers feel any happinesses at all. It a question of whether he gets his way or not and he makes you give up something that gives you worth and purpose and potentially may give you independence and ultimately freedom.

If I were you I’d try and ignore his feelings and focus on your own. Easier said than done I know. But he’s never going to change his mind or his behaviour no matter what you do or say xx

Glad you’re doing so well at work and college. Good for you. 💪xx.

[nbumblebee]

Yes he did I guess although i have never worked since we were married and b4 then he didnt like me working always telling me to call in sick so actually yes you are right he did do this back then gosh I hadnt even noticed.
Im trying so very hard to keep going but he makes it so so hard he moans so much when i try and study or finds me jobs to do so i cant its really not easy but I really dont want to give it up i just dont know how long i can hold on for. X

[Anonymous]

Nbumblebee stop apologising for posting if no-one posted there’d be an empty forum and if we didn’t have a forum then no one would be able to post anything. Your husbands adult tantrum “again” probably happened because like most abusers the fantasy of the day didn’t live up to how he planned it all in his mind and while being in that mood he remembered things that are really bugging him right now in that your having a life and freedom that doesn’t include him that’s threatening his attempted ownership of you 🐾🐶🐾

[nbumblebee]

Thanks @auriel I just hate moaning all the time feels like im ways on here with one problem or another. Hes been nice all weekend since and its not been mentioned again although he has asked me to quit constantly but to be honeat thats standard eight now. Will it ever stop? If i dig down keep going will he one day accept it or will this just carry on and on?

[Anonymous]

nbumblebee he’ll probably keep on, thats just the way they are they’re goal is it get what they want using whatever tactic usually works for them, and your posting cos your unhappy, sometimes you’ve posted for good moments too and to support as well “stop putting yourself down”💛💜💛

[nbumblebee]

@auriel I do try i do but iys a habit i just cant break ive said b4 I really dont like me the person ive become i feel i deserve what I get I really do. Im trying to work on that though I really am. Thank you for your encouraging words.
Ive just gotta dig deep and hang on in there keep trying keep working keep fighting. Xxxx

[Anonymous]

I get it I honestly do, I flip between feeling like the most disgusting person god ever made then situations and other people remind me I’m not the atrocious way I see me, and then that reminds me who I am again for a while, all this badness and self esteem is called rubble (it’s what other people’ actions and words have caused us to believe) but it’s not true it’s just what’s covering up our real selves
💖💕💖

[nbumblebee]

@auriel you are truely incredable you really are and dont let anyone tell you different. Xx

[Anonymous]

Aw thank you hun💧, you tell the same to you too (regularly though so it stays put) 💖💞💖

[KIP.]

He is brazenly describing domestic abuse and coercive control. Right to your face. It’s twisted and dysfunction but even he is admitting it now. That’s how little he cares. It’s normalised for him now and it can only get worse when he doesn’t get the response he expects.

[nbumblebee]

Thanks kip i fear you are right some days its like he enjoys it others i feel like he wishes he could stop, does that sound stupid?
I fear if I continue I will be the one in tbe wrong the one to blame, he is so very unhappy that I am bettering myself I just cant get my head around that. X*x

[Darknessallaround]

nbumblebee, you don’t have to make a choice, and if you do (in his favour) it will only make you miserable. The next time you’re considering giving up your studies and your job because you hope for an easier life, please remember that things may improve for a short while, but once he has savoured his victory in forcing you to give up things that you love, he will find another reason to pick fault with something else, and then you’ll be back to square one again but this time with no job or studies to escape to.

[nbumblebee]

I know how right you are I do but Im tired so very tired. I just want it to stop I guess we all do right, still we fight on cause we havw no other choice. Much love darkness and Thanks x

[nbumblebee]

I wanted again to add something but didnt wanna start yet another new post so i thought id add to this one. Went work today and when he came home we had the usual chat (detail removed by Moderator).
I was livid so i pointed out to him how he shared his day i was just sharing mine he said (detail removed by Moderator)
I saw his face i knew what he was doing.
I have so many opportunities at work they are offeeing me its just amazing I have my own business too that i share with him but i dont want to do that anymore I dont want to work with him so slowly I am cutting back on my business which fills me with such guilt but I want my own life not his. I just hope still even now one day he will see and he will want to support me. Stupid right?

[Author]

Posts