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Please does anybody a partner treat them indifferently but not give a reason. I helped him last night with something and he called me a nasty name because he said I didn’t answer him. I did answer him he did t hear. I reacted to the unkind words. This morning he’s treated me like I don’t exist.(detail removed by moderator) I asked what I’d done. His response was as always was to say he can’t talk to me as I’ll argue with him. I told him I won’t as I’m not angry just want to know what I’ve done. He said he doesn’t want to be around me so I said about last night again. I get accused of pushing things and we start shouting. He gets nasty right up in my face I defend myself his words sting. This is the same pattern. He acts indifferently but won’t tell me why and if I ask I’m pushing it. He would hate to be treated like it. I’m sat in a heap yet again he’s gone out. I want to punch something scream from the rooftops. I hate myself for opening my mouth. I don’t understand. He would want me to tell him why I am different towards him. Now this will all be my fault for pushing him. I wish I hadn’t but I’m being treated like I’m not here and he won’t tell me why. I hate myself so much yet know he’s acting in a controlling way. I hate feeling like this. It’s the same pattern. He acts like he wants but the minute I act a certain way I’m to blame. I get so frustrated just wanting to know what I’ve done. What can’t I just go about my day ignoring him acting that way.
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Hey lovely, the rational part of your brain knows you haven’t done anything wrong… his behaviour, actions, words, mood are to keep you guessing… when actually you have done nothing wrong.. he has and is continuing.
He is blaming you as abusers do not take responsibility for their actions, itnis always someone else’s fault (usually the wife/partner). His behaviour is what’s wrong, as he is showing you he is in a mood to control you.
How you feel trust, he has treated you badly, he is using tactics.. when you ask what’s wrong and he says ‘you’ .. that is not answering the question, it is what a toddler might say not a grown a*s man but they are like petulant, demanding toddlers (I do not mean to give a bad name to toddlers, thry have an excuse seeing that they are just that.. toddlers).
Unfortunately he will continue this pattern. It is good that you recognise these patterns, also that you are aware of him trying to control you. He is also using emotional manipulation and bullying tactics.
Keep posting ❤
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Thank you. I get myself so worked up inside. A constant knot inside unable to say how I feel to him. It’s the worst feeling ever. He says all the time no wonder my ex husband was like he was towards me. I’ve messaged him stupidly saying I’ve had this behaviour for years. The blame, silent treatment, abuse for the others lack of restraint and communication skills. He won’t like that I just couldn’t help myself. He’s always saying he feels sorry for my ex. God it’s so so emotionally frustrating x
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Hi lovely
So you have said that this always happens.
Start from the premise that he wants a fight. They always want a fight but they want to be able to blame you for starting it.
He’s found the perfect strategy. He knows full well that by acting indifferently towards you, he is pushing your buttons and that an argument will ensue – an argument he can blame on you. Bingo! He got everything he wanted. It’s tried and trusted – works every time.
As hard as it is, try not to get pulled down this path. Don’t apologise for something you haven’t done, don’t rise to the indifference. Don’t ask him what you have done. I can answer that for you; you’ve done nothing. That’s why he can’t answer you properly.
Next time he’s indifferent remember – you have done nothing – but he wants an argument anyway. Don’t give him the argument. You’ve done nothing so you don’t need to do anything about it. Head out for a walk or take yourself off to the cinema. Do something you enjoy. If he wants to discuss it like an adult, he can do so on your return when you’ve had time to collect yourself. xx
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Oh my god thank you. Yes that’s it. He was stressed out and getting angry last night and it continues this morning for no apparent reason except my retaliation to his unkind words last night which I apologised for this morning. I need to leave him to get on with it next time however hard that is. It’s so hard to have the mindset “it’s his problem”. This will go on for days now I know and I have to try and function normally. Thank you xx
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