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I think I was a bit naive thinking I wouldn’t hear from him. I have had one missed call (detail removed by moderator). I am not used to being the rejector – I feel a bit guilty and like infant to help him but I know that if I call him he will either shout and blame, charm or be desperately unhappy or suicidal like he was before and that will make me feel awful. I would rather think of him happily dating someone else. I think I have to ignore this call- which goes against how I would normally behave. I am not a cold person but I can’t see what I can say that will make him feel better. I think I need to be cruel to be kind for both our sakes X
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You are so right that the best thing to do is to ignore his call. He WILL make you feel bad if you talk to him. Don’t feel guilty, you are not hurting him – he’s the one doing that by choosing to abuse you. He has the choice to not abuse yet he chose abuse and he feels no guilt at that.
Stay strong xx
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Thank you ladies. In the end I text him. (detail removed by moderator) I think communication will make things harder and more painful.
(detail removed by moderator).
The next day I felt awful. Really sad. But I stuck to my word and just self soothed and cleaned me car. I think he is just trying to manipulate me by being nice. This is just control.
I did not send any other texts. He seemed quite reasonable and respectful. I am a bit wary though- last time he made such a massive fuss when we split. I am not going to let my guard down yet unless this is part of a bigger game.
I kept telling myself I am doing this for myself and kids. I am not losing this battle. X -
Yes, he is trying to manipulate you by being nice to you. That’s the usual abuser tactic to win you around. It’s worked in the past for him so he’ll use it again. I’m beginning to think that abusers are actually quite lazy in their abuse of us, mine certainly is. He uses the same tactics time and time again. He’s too lazy to see that i’ve seen through him and know, before he does, what tactic he’ll use this time.
Mine is not contacting me at the moment. He thinks i’ll contact him to make sure he’s okay. When I don’t he’ll be back in contact with me. It will be angry because i’ve been ignoring him and not considering his feelings. I’ll ignore that. I don’t know what he’ll do then, probably start to love bomb me but as we’ve never got to this point before I don’t actually know for sure but most abusers do that so he’ll probably use that tactic.
Don’t let your guard down. What tactics has he used in the past when you’ve acted like this before? What can you do differently this time? Do you think you can just ignore it?
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