Here we go again

[Minimrs]

So he wanted to talk about us and our relationship. I told him he isn’t doing anything to help his anger issues but he said he’s going to do it his way. He keeps asking if in going to take the kids off him because I attempted to leave him before. I explained to him I was trying to protect the children but ok I don’t think he understands. He went on to call me an alcoholic because I drink and he said the kids are in danger with me but he would never try to take them away. He said he wanted to be with me but as soon as I said maybe we should call it a day he started going on. (detail removed by moderator). But he didn’t even ask my opinion first he just blurted it out. I feel so frustrated by him all the time why doesn’t he understand the kids would be better off if we lived seperated. At least then we wouldn’t argue and the kids would be more stable.

[fizzylem]

Yes they dont stop with the poor me even with the kids; it does screw with their minds M. Speaking from experience here. It burdons them among other things. He’s being manipultive here isnt he, makes me think he will only continue to be this way with the kids. Get some advice from WA re how to deal with this. You are 100% right of course, they would be better in an abuse free home environment for sure. Could be wrong, but it sounds like he may carry on though and manipulate them when he has them if you were to set up shared time – so be switched on to this possibility. He really needs to be clear about how to behave in front of the kids and do this, sadly a lot dont get this, always put themselves first, are hardwired this way, self centred toxic parents. Be mindful of this and set up supervised contact if he carries on, maybe even get an order that sets out how he is expected to behave so it becomes unlawful if he does. If he’s anything like my child’s dad he wont listen to anything you say, especially once you’ve left him, in fact he will automatically do the opposite to spite you. Alienation really is dreadful for all of you to deal with.

Keep a diary and record everything that is said with the facts and verbatim from now on. Try to discuss the issues of domestic abuse and the alienation with the GP also so it is recorded x

[Minimrs]

I won’t be able to talk to the doctor when my son goes because his dad will be in the room and make it sound more my fault and if I take him on my own he will be in a huff with me and say I’m planning something. I’m worried about tomorrow that he will find out about my appointment at women’s aid. It’s so hard to keep it all from him because he knows everything about me.

[fizzylem]

He sounds uber controlling M. You will get the best kind of help with how to manage these type of situations and getting out from WA. Good to know you have an appointment. He can only find out if it leaves your lips so keep quiet and try to avoid him when you’re home x

[Minimrs]

So this evening I went to buy (detail removed by moderator) which he was paying for. While I was in the shop I was looking at (detail removed by moderator) because I need a (detail removed by moderator) for my (detail removed by moderator). He said £(detail removed by moderator) it’s a bit much he didn’t want me to get it he said (detail removed by moderator). He told me to f off Infront of our (detail removed by moderator) children and stormed off out the shop. (detail removed by moderator) he yelled at the top of his voice to my son. I told him to stop. And all the children were upset. We got home and I had to take my daughter upstairs to calm her down. And I had a quiet talk with my son who was yelled at he was very upset and shaky. I held his hand and sat with him for a bit. And now he still want me to try with him. This man just won’t give up and won’t change.

[KIP.]

You’re absolutely right. He will not change and the longer you allow him to stay, the more damage he will do to you and your children. The help is there for you to get rid of him. Please find the strength before even more damage is done and your children resent you for staying near him.

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