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Have just found out (because my spidey senses told me, so I obviously had to confirm it to torture myself) that he’s already in another relationship.
I knew it would happen, I know that’s what they do, I know he’s done it with every other relationship before me. I don’t want him back. But does it hurt? Yep! Loads. Arrrghghhh. They’re all just identikit robots who need a contact supply of ego massaging women. Give me strength!!
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Think of them as parasites always needing a host to suck dry. Like an emotional vampire. It’s not personal but yes it’s painful. You won’t always feel this way.
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I know not to take it personally because it’s wired into their DNA to follow these same patterns of behaviour, it’s just astonishing how they all do the same things. Like they’re not capable of feeling anything real.
I had a realisation a few months ago that he was an emotional vampire, you’re so right. It’s like they suck the life out of anyone who sticks around long enough. Pathetic creatures. X
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Same happened to me – told me he was going to Jill himself, couldn’t live without me… three days later was in a relationship with someone else. Moved her in with (removed by moderator) of violently assaulting me. I still struggle to get my head round it – there’s just totally and utterly rotten. It’s all an act, they’re not capable of feelings. It’s horrendously hard but it does get easier x
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I’m just thinking, if it helps to take their toxic focus away from you it’s a blessing. Sadly the new person would be subjected to the same horrid attitude soon after the love-bombing phase.
They’re definitely putting their air mask first and seeking to heal any ego injury by being validated elsewhere.Our brains are programmed to think that if other’s want something it must be good. It’s not!
I’m also struggling despite common sense.
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They all move on within days or weeks, honestly, they do, so this has come as no surprise to me to read this. It’s triangulation. They have involved someone else in order to provoke a reaction from you.
There are no genuine feelings for this new person in their life, they are just there as a prop for their own purposes and ego. My ex moved on like this too, and I went and panicked and begged for him to come back to me. He did. He gave her up like a shot and moved back in with me. His plan worked. That woman had the lucky escape and I ended up with the prolonged misery I’d just got myself out of!
Please don’t make the same mistake I did. I panicked because I thought he’d go on to have the ‘perfect relationship’ with someone else and I’d end up alone and lonely. It was my insecurities and jealousy of what ‘might be’ for him with someone else that was my biggest mistake. As much as this hurts you, be rational. He didn’t make you happy or treat you right when you had him. He’s certainly not going to make you happy or treat you right if you fight to get him back. Stay on your own path to freedom and find some relief that for ‘now’ he’s moved on (and will make someone else miserable).
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I had the same. He said if you leave I’ll be dead within months. Well he’s still alive and kicking! with some other poor woman. I always thought I’d be devastated when I found out he was with someone else (which I was with a previous non-abusive partner and an amicable ending to the relationship) but actually I had an initial stomach lurch then my sensible head kicked in and I just felt absolute pity for the woman. Abusers are all sadly very predictable and move on very quickly.
Forget him. Concentrate on you. A much better use of your energy 💪xx
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Feelinglikeafool, she’s gonna go through everything he put you through (if she stays long enough) I love the last few sentences of your post they are just cool a.f and sooooo true, these people are just pathetic, all on the forum know this by now, these people will ‘never’ know genuine love cos they’re too immature, can’t properly feel, are too suspicious and dishonest themselves to be able to trust that they create their own downfalls eventually, the pattern is the same with all of them it is a hurtful blow to your self esteem and I’m sorry your hurting, I started a thread about 2 months ago in positive moments (what has helped you on your healing journey) turns out a lot of us did similar things, counselling didn’t work for me see, maybe have a look + perhaps put a few things down (when you feel ready) or just have a look see if any make a difference, but all the focus and care you gave to him over the years, pull it all back and give all of that to you now,
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Thanks all. It’s just that realisation that everything was a lie; suppose it’s a blow to the pride to know that he never felt anything real for me at all. None of them are capable of real feeling, which is why it’s so furious-making to think of all the hours spent worrying about him and whether he could cope without me, because he was so needy. I know all the neediness was just part of the game too.
Have been thinking about it and I can honestly say I was never properly happy with him, certainly never felt any peace, not once. I’m not even sad for us because I know there wasn’t ever really an “us” at all.
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Hey @Auriel can you send me the link to that post please? I really struggle with navigating this site on my phone for some reason 🙃
Thanks x-
I’m not sure how to post links but on all the choices in the large square boxes on the main forum menu, it’s the 10th one down, large green box positive moments choice, click on then the list comes up, then at the bottom tap the number 2 to get the second choice of lists and what has helped you healing journey is one In the middle just hit on it and a whole bunch of things we’ve done is on it 💛🌟💛
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