He’s always so nice, but then flips

[Duds123]

I don’t understand. On a daily basis this man is amazing to me. Can’t do enough for me, listens to Me, supports me, everything other than when he flips he physically attacks me an we end up in big fights. I’ve already had (legal detail removed by Moderator) then went back. Now his attacked me again (legal detail removed by Moderator) for this.

I cant wrap my head around how he can be so nice but then he drinks an takes cocaine and flips on me about minor things that on a normal day we can talk about.

I used to think o it’s just the drink an recreational drug use but now I know that actually it’s still a choice to do what he does.

(detail removed by Moderator) Yet i still chose to believe in him. (legal detail removed by Moderator) Why do I love this man

[Bananaboat]

Because they’re clever and manipulate our minds. If he was that nasty version all the time you’d find it easy to walk away wouldn’t you – which is where the super nice act comes in because that’s what keeps you hooked. As you say it’s not the drugs and alcohol doing this to him, he’s choosing to attack you – the nice stuff is the fake him. Have you looked into the freedom programme?

[Duds123]

Thank you for your reply.

This is the mad thing. I’m so well educated in DV an understanding of what’s happening but I’m still in it. I feel like I only have myself to blame. I’ve done the freedom programme few years ago but I need to do it again clearly.

 

I struggle daily with my kids and I feel like that’s a huge barrier to me escaping this man

[Bananaboat]

Have you looked into FOG, the fear/obligation/guilt? That definitely kept me in the relationship longer than I should’ve done. It’s really really hard to leave and really scary – they don’t make it easy either. Don’t beat yourself up, you’re clearly doing the best you can and that’s ok. Remember you’re not to blame, he is.

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