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    • #7433
      Doglover99
      Participant

      The time to leave is getting closer and I was feeling guilty…until last night.

      It appears my husband is telling people he knows that my son has been stealing from our house and from me. A little while ago something very valuable of mine went missing and my husband instantly blamed my son. I know he would never ever steal from me but he would not listen. He told our neighbour as well who is already spying on me and my son. The items turned up a few days later in a drawer where I would never have put them and funnily enough it was my son who found the items in full view of me and my husband.

      Now, even though the items have been found, he’s telling his friends that my son stole the things. He’s saying that if he catches him he will be thrown out and apparently I am supposed to have had that conversation with him (not true). He’s put cameras (yes cameras!) in the house so I need to be so careful what I do and say now. They are linked to his mobile so if they cameras are on he has a live feed to the house. I check whether they are on before I do anything but I need to be careful in case there are hidden microphones somewhere so I’m not making any calls in the house now.

      Is this the behaviour of a normal person? I think not. Why does he spread rumours about my son? Was it he who took the things and moved them and blamed my son? Who knows.

      When I found out last night what he’s been telling people I was so angry. It has helped me stop feeling guilty about leaving because he obviously does not give a s…t about my son or my feelings for that matter. He must really hate my son. Do you think? What is wrong with him???

    • #7438
      Winterblues2
      Participant

      Hi,

      Does your son challenge him or could he see your son as a barrier preventing him from having more control over him.

      Having cameras is not normal at all and chances are he’s using the theft story to justify these actions to others when in reality he has a different motive – watching you.

      I think I remember reading you were planning to leave?

    • #7442
      Serenity
      Participant

      Hi Dog a Lover,

      No it isn’t the behaviour of a normal man, if you say normal is feeling a sense of fairness, affection and respect for other people and having a conscience that prevents you from doing things such as manipulating, gaslighting and lying.

      Ruining another’s reputation is typical of an abuser.

      He hasn’t changed his tactics. Many months ago, you thought he had hidden something and he was shouting at your son, telling him he had hidden/ taken it. Now, he is stepping up the threat, starting to bad mouth your son to neighbours.

      Maybe he knows something is up? Maybe he senses you are going?

      Please be very careful at this stage.

      Do t feel sorry for him. He isn’t losing sleep about what damage he has done to both you and your son. He can’t beat admitting that his behaviour played a part in the relationship failing. Abusers never do. He would rather make your son a scapegoat and make him out to be worse than he is, to lay the blame at his feet.

      What kind of man tries to wreck a young man’s reputation to da e his own reputation?

      Don’t these men realise how transparent they are?

      Hugs X

    • #7443
      KIP.
      Participant

      Not normal. He’s trying to make your son out to be bad so that he can justify his abuse of him. Anything that makes you happy is fair game. Keep your head down and get out asap❤️

    • #7444
      Serenity
      Participant

      Sorry for my typing errors;

      Don’t feel sorry for him

      To save his own reputation

    • #7445
      Serenity
      Participant

      PS

      Dog lover- my abuser did similar.

      When he sensed that I had enough of his abuse and was maybe planning to up and run, he started to try to make me the scapegoat, rather than admit to the kids and others that his abuse had wrecked the marriage.

      It was transparent: he started to try to ‘pick fights’ with me when the kids were nearby, slyly saying cruel things out of their hearing, so the kids didn’t hear, then delighting in seeing me get upset.

      He would then ( my son told me afterwards) go and say to my son ‘look what your mum is like.’

      Thankfully, my son is very bright, and told me he knew his dad was manipulating us all!

      These abusers all behave the same. Carbon copy tactics.

    • #7446
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      I use to have money go missing my ex would blame our daughter her friends etc. he would also say he didn’t know about my money. Now I don’t leave my savings where my abuser is guess what its not gone missing…..

    • #7493
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hi Hun

      It’s not normal ,again his changing technique to show u his got control over u ,be careful , what happened with viewing ,the sooner u can get out better, go to maplin and ask if they can guide u how to find camera , I’ll try find out for u

    • #7582
      Doglover99
      Participant

      Thanks for your replies. It helps have reassurance that this isn’t normal and in fact a typical behaviour of an abuser. I already know that he will blame my son, and only my son, for the break-up of our marriage. He is already telling people he’s fed up with him etc. and these stories justify that comment I suppose.

      Funnily enough he popped in Maplins the other day, wonder if he bought something else from there.

      The viewing is today and if it’s good enough, big enough I’ll take it. Fingers crossed!!!!!

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