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So, I managed to get out!
After advice from a lot of people around me, I called 101 to log the abuse. They sent an officer over to talk to me in a bit more depth. Officer told me whether I make a statement or not, they may still arrest him. It may just be me that didn’t know this, but they can charge someone for common assault and battery, even if there has been no actual harm to you. Threats and pushing/shoving is taken very seriously! I chose to make a statement either way. Only about 10 minutes into that, the officer’s radio started talking away, and turns out they arrested him there and then, before I had even finished!Felt good. Felt safe.
Until a few moments ago when I had a phone call from the officer to tell me he has denied everything, and told them I’m being malicious. Now it’s a waiting game to see if they charge him.
I’m terrified! If they don’t, he could quite easily come back and cause even more trouble. And I know all I would have to do is call the police again and they would sort it. But, even just walking round the village is going to be difficult knowing he could be round the corner!He might ignore me completely… He might cause more trouble…
Would it have been easier just putting up with him?!
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Hi, well done you. That took courage and no it’s not easier putting up with him because it never stops. My ex denied everything and even used the same word as yours, malicious. So it’s very typical. You held him accountable and sent him a message that you won’t tolerate his illegal abusive behaviour and now he is on the police radar I think it’s unlikely he will do anything. Hold your head high. You’ve done nothing wrong. Even if you do see him and he tries to cause more trouble. Just keep reporting him. You might want to check out Paladin anti stalking helpline, they can guide you on keeping a log of his behaviour. So log every time you see him. Place date and time. Any witnesses etc.
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This is the hard part, we tend to be doubtful in reporting them and guilt sets in. Thats because weve been conditioned to feel like this. Youve done the right thing. If he trys anything else dont hesitate to contact the police, my ex knows if he came near us he would be arrested on the spot. These men are often cowards when faced with the law. They know they can only try to bully women and children and get away with it. Well theyre in for a shock! Sometimes needs must, he put you in this position and that responsibilty lies solely with him. Make sure you stay no contact now and everything will slowly dissolve for you. Take time for yourself now, self care, self love xx youll get there xx diy
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Thank you all for your replies and advice!
KIP I will certainly start logging anything and everything, and look into the anti stalking helpline – thank you very much for that!I’ve had no contact from the police since. Pretty sure he’s home because he’s blocked me on Facebook (no complaint that he can’t contact me, that’s for sure!). I will call them tomorrow to find out what is happening.
My problem is, I need to get my furniture back. My bed and our baby’s cot at least! Don’t have the money to be replacing this stuff, and he’s already put me in plenty of debt.
And he also wants to see our baby regularly. The police only advised I speak to a solicitor about that. I don’t think I’m being unfair wanting him to prove he’s drug free and sorting his anger out before he looks after her a few days a week. But that means more money to sort something that, to be honest, I feel like I shouldn’t be having to argue over! Welfare of our baby and everything…I don’t know when he will be around, to know when it is safe for me to get my stuff. I don’t know if he has bail conditions (if he was even charged in the end) to keep away. I don’t know what is going on. I’ve had to call work today to tell them i won’t be in and don’t know when I’ll be back. They’re very understanding, but I need to be working to be able to afford everything now I’m in this situation.
Everything is such a mess!
I’m out, and I thought things would start getting better. But I’m just finding more and more problems now, that I don’t even know how to start dealing with! -
Have you been referred to IDVA or ISVA service? I hope the police have pointed you in supportive directiins. The not knowing is awful especially the first time. My ex was No Further Actioned which pleased him big time. He has told me that the police belive him & that I have made false allegations. Who knows what the police do? They work weird hours & it’s really hard to contact the investigating officer.
Whatever the outcome you & children’s safety is paramount. It’s such a difficult time when life feels up in the air & you dob’t know when or how ut’s going to land.
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The police gave me some leaflets about victim support, and a number to call to try and get an injunction if this all falls through. But, I would just like to be kept updated, y’know!
Oh I bet, if he has been let off, that will be rubbed in my face forever more.
Now I’m getting to the stage where the people who care are really getting on my nerves. They are all acting like I’m going to be killed if I step out the front door. I have made it clear to everyone he has never hurt me, and I believe he never would. It’s just his mouth that is enough to knock me down and feel worthless. But the more these people are panicking for me, I’m getting more anxious. And they are saying ‘call me if he does anything’, as if they are above the law. I’m actually trying to sort this all properly, and get the best outcome for me and our baby. I just want support! Not people essentially threatening more violence!!
Ahhhhhhh
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