- This topic has 9 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 3 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
He left about (detail removed by Moderator) weeks ago and it’s been so calm and nice without him. He moved to his family but within days he was saying how badly they treated him. They helped him get a job but he’s now left that to come back here! I knew this would happen but had been hoping that the house sale would have moved quicker. He has a legal right to be here and I know that the end is near and it won’t be that long now till we are legally free. But I just feel so desperate and sad, I want to be free so bad and its like he’s a boomerang! He told our daughter I’m just doing this because I’m in the menopause…(which I’m not) but also nothing to do with his c****y behaviour over all these years. He I’d truly delusional. I saw his social media feed the other day and the way he portrays himself ad this caring supportive husband and father whose a victim of me…I just want to scream. The life I have lived with him dominating every decision, me becoming someone I don’t recognise, the constant anxiety of the mood he’ll be in, the total responsibility on me to provide for everyone emotionally and financially, the never ending stream of jobs that he can never keep, the addiction to drugs that he denies, the physical dominance that I’ve lived with and the constant putting down of me and my family. And HE thinks he is the victim.
I know I can get through this, I’ve done it before and worse so I know I can. But I feel so frustrated that yet again we’ve got to suffer because if his complete selfishness. I’m raging and scared. What did I ever do to deserve this! -
Hi Tiredofitall,
You have already come so far, please feel proud of yourself!!!
Could you apply for a non-molestation and occupation order to keep him away from you and out of the house whilst it sells?
This is what I did and it has meant ex has not been allowed to enter the property.
We are both joint on the mortgage.It’s crazy how similar they are, you could be talking about my ex , exactly the same!
He accuses me of being menopausal which I’m not, then there’s the drug addiction and going around telling everyone he is the victim.
Keep strong, as you said, the end is near.
You definitely did not do anything to deserve this.
If anything, we are kind, considerate people, that’s why they preyed on us in the first place.
Take care of yourself and your daughter.
Stand together united in this and you will beat him.
Keep posting for support and just to vent x*x-
Thank you for the support! I spoke to the police and solicitors about non molestation order and his behaviour is so clever…essentially because he’s not hitting me then the order might not be granted and as he is complying with the sale of the house and the divorce, I decided that for the sake of getting things sorted quicker that I’d put up it. I’d lived with it for years and years so knew I could cope.
You are right about it all. My head knows it, my heart knows it doesn’t love him anymore. But I just feel so upset about the unfairness of it all. Which is so childish and selfish too but sometimes you just get a bit tired of being the bigger person and being strong.
But you are right, I need to refocus on the future and where I’m heading and not let his games affect me. Thank you x -
It is not childish or selfish, it’s self preservation.
You are in survival mode.
You are doing all the right things.
If he is cohesive in any way, this is grounds for non-mol order too.
Have you any texts or emails that can prove he manipulates in any way?
It doesn’t have to be physical abuse to get a non mol.
You are absolutely right in everything you are saying and feeling, do not feel bad about your emotions.
X*x -
Hi tiredofitall
Theres nothing wrong with giving yourself loads of sympathy for what you’ve endured over the years, and still now, that he’s back. The idea of a non-mol sounds great, together with an occupation order, but I understand that can just be yet another battle. They are not based on being hit, but being threatened and intimidated, your partner being aggressive to you/children.
The other important factors for you are making sure you get plenty of times away from him, doing things you derive much pleasure from, just to balance out things generally so you help yourself from getting too entrenched in the awfulness of him.
I am hoping for you that this house sale situation will be over swiftly and you can move on and away and leave him behind, when I presume he’d have to go back to his family perhaps!
warmest wishes
ts
-
-
Hi TS, thank you for the support and kind words.
I’m sure the advice from police and solicitors varies…they said to me that because he has a legal right and no way to support himself, the courts could put in place an injunction that he stays in the house but doesn’t speak to us. That just seemed like it would invoke him to object to the house sale and divorce. I have considered it many times but I’m so close to the end that I’m just going to hang in there.
I’ll go back to spending as much time as possible out of the house and hope that freedom comes soon now. -
-
-
You’ve just described my life!
It’s shocking to know there are so many of us living this way.
I’m currently waiting for him to get out of the house but we’re waiting for it to sell.
I don’t really want to do the occ order thing, I want to be reasonable but I need him out for my daughters mental health.
I know I’m being weak, I’ll always have love for him but we can’t be together anymore cos of his behaviour.
Although he’s hurt me more than I ever thought possible, I don’t want to have him kicked out with nowhere to go and no one to be there for him.
I know I’m weak. Why can’t I just move on? I’ve done journey to freedom and I am so much stronger and know that I won’t ever put up with that kind of narc/coercive behaviour again, but I can’t be hard on him. I just don’t want to hurt him. I guess he’s still taking advantage of me and I’m too blind to see it… -
Honestly, I feel like I’m living groundhog day! He’s been back one day and already taken offence because I told him I wasn’t going to be cooking for him and waiting on him. Tonight, he’s spent over an hour talking about how c**p his family treat him when all he’s trying to do is make their lives better but they don’t listen to him…then the old classics – I’m creating a block between the children and him to make my life easier when I move into my new life. Nothing to do with how he treats them, nope that can’t be it. His relationship with them is my responsibility and I have to do more to make sure it works…and then the minute I start to raise my voice a bit he accuses me of doing it so he looks like the bad person even though he was the one who came to my room! And he’s obessessing because I told him that the children deserved a calm house and of course, he’s justifying his abusive behaviour with the reason that I’m divorcing him. He’s delusional. I’m so frustrated I can never say what I want, I hold it all inside and I really want to scream at the top of my lungs at the injustice of it all. He’s treated us so poorly for all these years and he’s the victim!!
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
