He’s coming out of prison (detail removed by moderator)!

[Opie]

Hi everyone,
He was arrested the day I though he might actually kill me and kept in prison on remand and then sentenced.

I have had 2 relapses as in I have had contact with his sister twice. Once I was very upset. The second time I was angry. I have been notified that he will be coming out (detail removed by moderator) and I am so anxious. Because of what has been happening recently and the fact that I thought he would away until (detail removed by moderator) I have not even had a chance to find somewhere new to live. I feel like a sitting duck.

Restraining orders are in place but I am still so so anxious. I’m scared in case he tries to see me. I think part of me is also worried about how I feel if I never actually get a real apology.

I feel like a mess and just wondered if anyone has been through this and how they got through?

 

 

[Iwantmeback]

Hi and welcome to the forum. An apology from an abuser means nothing, it’s just a way of getting back under your skin. Is there any chance the police could put an alert on your house, give you advice on how to keep safe. They can install a panic alarm. I’ve heard that if you phone them because of the circumstances when your number comes up they’d attend a lot quicker. If he breaks restraining order he’d be in breach of that, which would mean being re arrested. Not knowing what could happen creates terrible fear. Take steps to lessen that fear. Put up extra outside lighting, get yourself a rape alarm, boy are they noisy. If he appears in your street, contact police. Any misdemeanor however slight, contact the police. I hope you’re safer and he stays away. Its always better to prepare for the worst, then it can’t take you unawares.
Best wishes IWMB 💞💞

[Opie]

Thanks for your reply! My phone and address are both marked and there are exclusions zones set up. There is absolutely no contact direct or indirect allowed but as I think that his ability to control himself is completely missing so I feel a bit worried. It’s brought back quite a few emotions to be honest. I have tried yoga but not sure it was for me. And yes I will practice some mindfulness. Thanks so much for your advice x*x

[Manifest]

Hi, I’m only a newbie to this forum and literally out of a very physically and emotionally abusive relationship, can’t offer any words of wisdom as i ‘m still a mess, but just wanted to agree with iwantmeback, my incident only occurred (detail removed by moderator), the police were were great, they had panic alarms installed in my home before I even discharged myself from hospital, but they gave me all this info that explained how the panic alarms etc, my landline, and a mobile that they supplied me (as I was never allowed obe) are all linked to some central response system whereby an emergency call will immediately issue a response team. It’s supposed to make me feel safer – if being honest though not sure if anything could make me feel safer at moment though. They have assured me that these will result in a faster response time!?!?

[Opie]

First of all, go you for getting out! I’m sure it’s all very raw but you took a very very painful and difficult step but one that is so important! You’re very strong even if you might not always feel it. I did have my phone marked before the final incident as previous things had happened and in my limited experience the response time was incredible! They were so fast and knew exactly where to go. X*x Thank you for reply xx

[KIP.]

Life gets easier when we learn to accept the apology we will never get. Just keep up the zero contact. Report any breach and concentrate on your own recovery. I was really anxious when bail conditions were removed so I kind of know the anxiety. Are you receiving counselling? Do you practice mindfulness or yoga. Both proven to reduce anxiety and can be used to manage it. Try to take your mind off it where you can.

[Opie]

Thank you! I know you’re right about the apology and I’m trying to work through it just finding it a bit rough this week. I just have this feeling of dread. Yes I’m having counselling which is helping, thank you for replying I really appreciate it x*x

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