Hes Disabled is it abuse

[Lemons53]

My husband is disabled.

Over the years we have been together i get shouted at daily for everything I do wrong, and when I used to argue back I was hot over the head or sent to sleep in the car. He is always singing horrid little songs or ‘testing’ how patient I will be.

He says i abuse him by not cleaning the flat but whenever I try i get shouted at so I stopped. And now I get shouted at for not cleaning.

The ESA we get as I’m disabled too goes in his name and I’m lucky if I get 1/7 of it and expected to pay the bills and then yelled at for being in debt.

(detail removed by moderator)

But I can’t seem to leave .I know I argue back sometimes and know I don’t clean as much as I want but I’m exhausted all the time.

I don’t want  to be sent to the car for the night I’m not young anymore. I don’t know what ti do as I feel responsible it the issues and feel at the same time he’s not being fair I know he had (detail removed by moderator) with no control but feel like it an excuse at times as to justify screaming at me. Maybe I’m in the wrong no neighbour as ever even called Housing officer to check on me.

Am I abused or a poor wife??

 

[Lisa]

Hi Lemons53,

What you’ve described is domestic abuse that has included physical, psychological, and financial abuse. It’s not your fault that he treats you in this way and it’s not excused because he’s disabled. There is nothing that you could do that would mean you deserved to be treated like this. It’s normal to question whether it’s abuse or it’s your fault because so often the abusive behaviour includes the perpetrator justifying themselves and blaming their partner, that sinks in over time. You deserve to have support to decide what you want and to help you achieve that safely. You could reach out to your local domestic abuse service for some ongoing specialist support. If you have a GP that you trust, you could open up to them about what’s happening. If you’d like to discuss your options more first, you could use our Live Chat service to speak with a Women’s Aid worker.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[swanlake]

Hi Lemons53

This does sound unfair and abusive to me. My husband and I are both disabled and don’t clean up very often but we don’t shout at each other about it. It’s a refreshing change for me from previous abusive situations, being abused and blamed.

I’ve called the police to do welfare checks on several of my neighbours over the years because I’m aware of the issues, having personal experience. But perhaps many people “don’t want to get involved” or don’t realise how serious a situation is. This seems like the mainstream ideology and in many areas, not just domestic violence, passivity seems to be the most chosen option rather than being an active bystander.

Please do keep posting and seek help as you feel able. We’re all here for you.

[Author]

Posts