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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  KIP. 2 weeks, 6 days ago.

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  • #114827
     siba 
    Participant

    Hi everyone. It’s been a long time since I last felt the need for your support. My current situation is that I’m going through the divorce process but it’s been (detail removed by moderator) now and I feel like we’re making very little progress. We’re still in the same house because he refuses to move out and I legally can’t make him because he’s paid 50% of the mortgage. I can only make him leave once I have a (detail removed by moderator) and it’s agreed that I can keep it / buy it from him. The good thing is that he is no longer emotionally abusive towards me, but I still feel so controlled because we still live together and because he’s continuously late with his side of the divorce documentation. And there is nothing the solicitor can do to force him to be on time – they give him a deadline and he simply ignores it. He was months late on one deadline and I had to basically intervene and pester him to do it. Once again he is months overdue on the current deadline and I really don’t want to have to be pestering him again. We haven’t even begun to negotiate yet! This is all just paperwork so far. I feel like him dragging his feet is still about control and not letting me move on with my life. There is no way I can have friends, family or a boyfriend over with him constantly here. Covid has obviously made it worse because it gives him an excuse not to go see his family. I’m seeing someone at the moment but it’s difficult because I feel like I can’t be away too much in case the ex realises and makes this divorce process and living together even worse. He is deadly silent in his room and he keeps his door open so I always feel like he’s listening in on me so I avoid speaking on the phone in the evenings. I feel like he’s getting everything he wants at the moment and there’s nothing I can do about it! I’m desperate to move on with my life! At times I consider moving out because I can’t bear living with him still, but the solicitor has advised against it because it could give him more say in keeping the house. I’m totally trapped here.

  • #114852
     Eggshells 
    Participant

    Just a quick drop in so apologies for the brief reply. Ask your solicitor to apply for a court date ASAP. Once this is done, the agenda is set and it should force him to move abit quicker. xx

  • #114867
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Does your solicitor know there’s a history of abuse. It’s a very dangerous time for you just now. Yes it’s all about control. He’s happy to stay and drag things out as he’s got you exactly where he wants you. This could go on for years. Like the previous post it might be better just to get that court date in case you need it. You could get your solicitor to warn him that he is being obstructive and if he misses one more deadline they will use that letter to take him to court. Abusers don’t negotiate. They lie, promise, break promises, cheat, abuse, control, and thrive on your distress. It might cost more to go to court but your solicitor can ask the court to take into account your legal fees in the financial decision and award you costs.

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