This topic contains 5 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  KIP. 2 weeks, 4 days ago.

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  • #103740
     lostandbroken 
    Participant

    Hi all, I’m back yet again. He left us (detail removed by moderator) ago, I’m going to try very hard to keep him out. Although I think he meant business this time, he’s literally took everything including TVs and left his keys behind.

    I’m struggling really bad to cope alone, and my anxiety is a complete mess I’m in some sort of constant shock, I can’t eat or sleep and I’m heavily pregnant. My toddler is out of routine and very unsettled through the night, I’m really having a difficult time to forget about him, or even try to look to the future.

    He is blocked on all social media, I’ve had to leave him able to call me for the sake of our child but he’s not even bothered to reach out and ask about her yet.

    I’m worrying about who he is with and what’s more important to not ask bout us. He’s literally just vanished. This is part of the anxiety feeling I guess.

    Feeling so stressed, heart broken and a complete broken mess 😢

     

  • #103743
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Hey, do you have anyone you can reach out to for support? Your local women’s aid may be able to offer support through this difficult time. It’s really important for your baby that you try to stay calm (as much as possible). Your abuser will always be there in the background and he is a topic you can go back to and deal with after your baby is born and safe. In the meantime your focus needs to be on you and your children. Have you spoken to your GP or midwife. You really need to be eating and drinking for the baby. Tell yourself you’re giving yourself until the baby arrives to concentrate on you and block him completely. If he can leave you pregnant and in this state then he has no right to be anywhere near your child. He has shown that he simply doesn’t care so don’t expect any contact from him and just hope he doesn’t contact you until you’re able to deal with his toxic mind games. He will only use that contact to further harm you. Please reach out to family and friends just now.

  • #103747
     lostandbroken 
    Participant

    Hi kip, I asked him to leave, which he didn’t think twice about, he spent a couple of hours packing his entire existence. He apparently plans to come back next week with a paso, because I’m the crazy one.

    Yes I have a great support system my family and friends have been there for me last couple of days. I’ve finally opened up to my best friend who I distanced myself from because I know what her views of him are and I guess I just didn’t want anyone to know what’s going on, because I secretly thought he might change. But he never changes, it’s a cycle and this lock down has finalised it all. I hate that he’s left us, but at the same time it’s happening and I need to learn to accept it’s over and finally endure the anxiety feelings I’ve been trying to avoid for so long.
    I will be reaching out to women’s aid today, I need every bit of help and support I can get right now. Yes I have a mental health midwife, and a supporting counsellor who again I’ve been avoiding but I will ring her today too.
    I slept a little better last night but with my toddler lay next to me, I’ve been awake for hours, I really hate this awful anxiety feeling. Afraid to get out of bed 😢

  • #103748
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Just know that ‘this too shall pass’. It’s really only your mind causing the anxiety. In reality you’re much safer and your children will have a wonderful happy mum who can spend time and thoughts on them instead of her headspace being taken up by trauma and trying to appease a bully. You’re kids will be happy well adjusted and that’s because you’re taking this step to protect them. Abusers makes themselves everything in our lives and minds so when they leave they leave a huge hole to fill but the hole can be filled with wonderful experiences and memories. I know you won’t be taking this in because you’re stuck in grief and trauma but I promise you that life is soooooooo much better without them. They are nothing without us we are everything without them.

  • #103749
     lostandbroken 
    Participant

    What’s the hardest to deal with right now, is missing the good times had with him. When he’s in a good mood he’s absolutely amazing, like a brilliant family man, is great with his kids and me. We are passionate, and work great as a team. But if I have something I need to talk about, or anything good to talk about he dismisses me. He’s caused me a lot of pain and stress in the past, I’m not aloud to talk about that which causes an argument. He is sometimes nice to my eldest but absolutely dismisses her feelings too And he’s caused her a lot of upset too, she’s now an adult and sees and knows everything. It’s her that’s giving me the courage to finally walk away, I can’t be with someone who treats my daughter like that.
    The anxiety will pass I know, I’m just taking each day as it comes. Yesterday was awful but that was only day 1. I’ve a long way to go I know x

  • #103750
     KIP. 
    Participant

    You don’t work as a team I’m afraid. The nice times are just an act for him to keep you hooked in and if he’s enjoying himself it’s the sense of power and control he’s enjoying. As you said as soon as your own needs are mentioned then you don’t exist.
    Have you tried writing down all the abuse he’s ever done to you? Each time you have a happy memory then slowly replace it with an abusive one. Maybe you’re not ready to do that yet but in the meantime those happy memories are yours to keep but the price to pay is too high to continue. Your daughter sounds great. You’re very lucky she knows her stuff and recognising abuse can be very difficult x set her an example that you all deserve better than to be treated this way. You abs should walk away from abuse. What a great example to set your other children because you can bet they will be in for the same treatment as soon as they start to develop a sense of self x

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