he’s gone but stonewalling me, struggling please help

[Confusedgirl]

so after me taking our son and leaving for a hotel (detail removed by Moderator), he finally agreed to got to his mums with his daughter until i possibly found a place.

Since then he has been ignoring me, stonewalling me, (detail removed by Moderator) days of almost silence. No apologies, no asking to make it work, nothing. He usually hounds me, but looking back its always been me who has left and he literally hounds me to come home. Its like he is punishing me because he has left for once. making me feel guilty.

It worked, i spent all weekend crying, dying to contact him and say i was sorry..

We spoke (detail removed by Moderator) and BHAM straight away he started manipulating, gas lighting me, acting like a child, saying when he looks back its me who abuses him. I was sobbing, but i sensed he was enjoying that. No remorse, no self reflection as to why i left, said its ok he swore at me and talked to me like c**p the morning i let, because i woke him up, he works, it was his day off, i should be more respectful. Says swearing at the kids was just because he was tired (ive asked him for years to stop and he doesnt)

Says he’s hurt, got nothing to say to me as i made him homeless

totally cold and comes across not bothered at all.. its so confusing

ive been to my gp, womens aid and rung a solicitor today

i know if i take him back now, nothing will change! he will just keep on and on about how i hurt him and forget about all the hurt ive had

its so hard

[ISOPeace]

I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. Yes it is so hard. He’s deliberately making it hard, because that’s how he stays in control. Everything you describe is typical abuser behaviour. He says/does what he needs to in order to manipulate you. He wants you to feel hurt and confused and desperate. He doesn’t show remorse because he doesn’t feel remorse. He believes he’s entitled to behave the way he does and it is always your fault. If he appears to show remorse, it’s just to get you to feel sorry for him. But he has forced you to choose between looking after him at a great cost to yourself and looking after yourself. You haven’t made him homeless, he has forced you to take action to protect yourself and your child.

I’d recommend reading Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft. When you understand abuse, their actions make sense.

Stay strong. You don’t deserve this. None of this is your fault. Sending love xxxx

[Author]

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