He's left – what's next

[Muna]

We’ve had a heated discussion. There’s been anger, tears, emotional threats, the ‘u can’t manage without me’, ‘but I love you’, ‘I want to change’, ‘is there someone else’ and repeat and repeat. He’s now agreed to go… What else do I have to come? I’m feeling emotionally stronger this time and the closest I’ve been to freedom so I don’t want to give up this time. I feel like he’s brainwashing me

[Healthyarchive]

Dear Muna, If i were you I would decide if you really want to split, youv’t thought it all through and know your relationship isn’t salvageable. If you have then it would be a good idea to read up as much as you can on emotional abuse, manipulation, brainwashing all of which come under the abuse umberella. No Contact was my savour, it gives you breathing space and mind clarity. A good book to read is No Contact by HG Tudor, its free to read on Amazon. I like all of HG Tudors books, The Devils Toolkit and Fuel are good for giving you an insight into their tactics. I also really liked 30 Covert Manipulation Tactics in Personal Relationships, also available to read on Amazon.

I think if you are sure you want to split and have made this decision this is half the battle. Following your split you will have some time of trauma bonding, this link is excellent for this. As well, N********t Free by Zari Ballard is great.

Traumatic Bonding

[MamaLala]

thank you healthyarchive that link ‘traumatic bonding’ wa excellent 🙂

[KIP.]

No contact if you can. Block calls and texts. Change locks. Get to a solicitor if needed. Don’t allow him back. Don’t show him any pity. No contact means no brainwashing X be prepared for harrassment. Call police immediately. No more chances. Grab this chance for freedom X

[Muna]

We have kids and because of child care and shifts there will have to be contact so we can share care and contact will have to be in the home. I will definitely look up brain washing and will have to keep reminding myself of the bad times so I don’t get manipulated

[KIP.]

Ring the helpline and find your local women’s aid for support. Keep contact to a very minimum. He can wait outside till you’re ready to leave. You can wait outside when u return till he heaves. Use a contact book. So you write messages in it. It’s going to be hard but if you take control now and set boundaries now and stick to them. They play terrible mind games X

[Healthyarchive]

I 100% agree with KIP, also look up Grey Rock as a no contact method, Melanie Tonia Evan’s website should have some details about this. Or there will be Grey Rock videos on You Tube. X*X

[Muna]

This is so hard

[Healthyarchive]

I know. i’m just reading some emotional abuse info, it is SO INSIGHTFUL, it has answered many questions that I’ve had since we split & about what I was actually dealing with when I was with him. A fraudster i think who picked me for some sort of gain, a n********t. I am a normal woman who was looking for love and entered into it sincerely. The first website has SO MUCH INFORMATION on all aspects of their tactics, devaluation, love bombing, lying. I love this website. For me Zari Ballard is the best author who covers emotional abuse, closely followed by Melanie Tonia Evans. These sites give you an insight into their thinking and tactics & our responses, knowledge is power!!!!!

Amazing websites:
(detail removed by Moderator)
20 Diversion Tactics Highly Manipulative N*********s, Sociopaths And Psychopaths Use To Silence You

[Muna]

I couldn’t do it. I let him back in, it’s resulted in him being arrested and s MARAC case. I’m such a fool to have let it get this bad. But atleast now I have orders in place so no contact will be much easier. Finding a bright side to look at 😞

[SaharaD]

Definitely do not see him now. MARAC means social services are involved and if they find out you have seen him after the orders and him being arrested they could take the kids. Let social services and CAfcass arrange his contact with the children. You are not to arrange child contact for him with him. Let the authoritites handle the child contact.

Stay safe and strong.

[Healthyarchive]

I agree with Sahara Muna, from what I know you might be on dodgy ground with the children & social services becoming involved. Childrens Services role is to look at safeguarding the children.

[Muna]

I’ve said no contact and I’m sticking to it so there is nothing social workers can do to make my kids any safer than they already are. They can assess if they want to waste their time following procedure . The police want me to do a DVD interview?? Does this mean j don’t have to go to court? I want them to charge him for control and coercion but they’ve said that it’s too hard to prove n they’re focusing on the assault

[Author]

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