He’s moved on so quickly

[Weemebreeze]

Hi everyone

This is my first time posting. I’m really struggling.

My fiancé abused me really badly (detail removed by Moderator) weeks ago. I somehow found the strength to leave despite his threats of suicide, crying etc. It completely shattered me. I’m still recovering from the injuries. We bought a house together (detail removed by Moderator) and we’re due to get married in (detail removed by Moderator). My whole life got ripped away that night. His daughter was going to be our bridesmaid. The house is in my home (detail removed by Moderator), he has no ties to the area. He’s refusing to move. To make things worse, I found out he has a new girlfriend, it started (detail removed by Moderator) weeks ago. He now has her and her child living in my house. It’s completely and utterly torturing me. I can’t visit my friend because she’s overlooked (detail removed by Moderator), I can’t relax or go walking for fear of seeing them. I can’t get my head around it . It’s completely broken me. I could deal with the physical side because I’ll heal , but the mental torture and lack of respect is horrific

Urgh …. hoping for better days to come

[Pinkypanther]

im not sure were you would stand with the house if you got bought it together, maybe you could seek legal advice about that.
I know it will be hard to think that he has moved on so quickly but try not to let to get to you, you are better off away from him, you are safe now its time to rebuild your life and be safe and happy. sorry you feel you cant go out and especially to yur friends with being so close. Maybe your friend could come to you, i know its not the same but you would probably feel a little better and less isolated if your saw your friend for a while.
Sorry I dont have much useful advice but please remember we are all here for you, you are stronger than you realise and will get through this.
you go this xxxxx

[Eggshells]

Hi Weemebreeze,

Welcome to the forum.

I’m so sorry to hear what has happened to you.

Please get some legal advice quickly. With such a recent physical assault there is a very high likelihood that you can obtain a non molestation order to get him removed ftom the house.

Once you have done that, you can start to plan what you want to do about the house.

Did you report the assault to the police?

[Eggshells]

Here’s something that the moderator posted to another lady very recently. You might find it helpful.

“Have you considered applying for an injunction at all? Is it something anyone has spoken to you about? A Non-Molestation Order is similar to a restraining order in the way that it stops the perpetrator from harassing/contacting you or approaching your property.

There is a specialist organisation who can give some more information and support around injunctions if it’s something you might want to consider. They are called DV Assist.”

[KIP.]

He hasn’t actually moved on what he’s doing is still trying to upset you. Google triangulation in domestic abuse. Read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. Apply for an occupation order to have him removed as soon as possible. He may have moved her in because the courts don’t like to make women and children homeless. Is there anybody you know who can talk to her. Have you used Claire’s Law. The police can go and warn her that’s he’s abusive. You need to get a support network round you. Your local women’s aid are a good start. Did you report the assault to the police? Please report it and keep all the evidence you can. You’re going to need a good solicitor with experience of dealing with abusers x

[Weemebreeze]

Thank you all for your really lovely replies, the support and advice is so so welcomed and massively appreciated. I’ve felt a bit better the past week – I’ve found a good solicitor who really seems to understand my position and lots of experience of dealing with these situations. I’m feeling more hopeful. Thank you again xx

[ISOPeace]

He hasn’t moved on. Abusers think differently from the rest of us. In the relationship it’s like you think you’re both playing the same game, but he knows he’s playing a different game and part of that is convincing you he isn’t.

He could be doing triangulation like KIP suggested. Or he might be doing the discard phase of n**********c abuse. Whatever he’s doing, it’s all part of his need for control and power. It has nothing to do with moving on in the sense of a non-abusive relationship. In fact moving in with someone so quickly is a big red flag for abuse and control. She is almost certainly his next victim. xxxx

[Living Warrior]

i agree with eggshells
as he has abused you badly recently, you can report it ( medical records help too even though it seems invasive at the time)
occupation order will get him removed from the house untill you can sort that legally,
non molestation order will stop him contacting you and keep him away from porperty,
these can be gotten as emergency orders (which mean he will not be told untill the orders are in place) and most of these orders if emergency can be gotten through legal aid.
keep logs of every message, every incident date/time/location/witnesses etc
report everything – once you report to police once you get a reference number- then any incidents report to local department using ref number this keeps an on going logg for you- and also can be used to show the escalation, and will help you if anything has to go to court (i didnt think i would need this, but was so glad i did it, even though at the time it seemed petty – reporting a text message- but in the long term it did show escaltaion and helped me loads)
ignore the new women- read my poem queen reclaims her crown- 🙂

i feel sorry for these new women- one day they will be here- writing what we are writing. its sad really.

[Author]

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