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    • #159712
      Ariel
      Participant

      So my partner hasn’t seen his children since I’ve been with him and before.
      He says she won’t let him and he can’t knock on the door and everything else.
      Every now and then he just stops going to work and says he’s missing them. I usually just go with it but it’s unsettling. I end up paying for everything including his drink daily.
      Because I’ve told him he needs to go to work and either sort out seeing his kids or what else will he do. Just sit and wallow forever.
      He’s saying I’m being brutal and unsupportive but I’ve come at my wits end and it’s stopping me sleeping. I cry all the time I just don’t know what to do.

    • #159725
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Ariel,

      While it’s healthy to empathise and support a partner, at some point the other has to help themselves or it becomes toxic. He needs to be taking whatever positive action he can to see his children as he is the father. It seem you are now having to support him financially, even with his alcohol consumption and this is not OK.

      It can be useful to talk about all that you are going through and feeling with a professional who may be able to offer a bit more emotional and practical help. Have you been in touch with your local domestic abuse service yet?

      I hope you are able to reach out and get the help you need. It’s always good to post here where you know others will understand and offer support too, so do stay in touch to let us know how you are.

      Lisa

    • #159733
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      Hi Ariel

      There is only so much you can offer someone who won’t help themselves. If he keeps going down its worrying that he will take you down with him, and has to a greater degree already done this from the way you are saying you are struggling now.

      You don’t have to pay for his drink habit, that won’t help him or you.

      You also don’t have to stay with someone who is making you so very unhappy, however much you may sympathise with his difficulties. Unfortunately, as these are his children, there is nothing you can do to help him. this is his responsibility, and knowing what I do now about how much mothers dearly want to keep their children’s relationships with their father strong after separation I would be greatly concerned about why he has not seen his children all this time. Generally mothers find it very difficult to leave, even very bad situations because they don’t want to risk the impact on their children.

      I hope ou are able to get some support for yourself, and do keep talking.

      warmest wshes
      ts

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