He’s still in control

[IndecisiveGirl]

I’ve been left (detail removed by moderator) weeks now. I’ve been in contact with women’s aid who have been helpful, and a solicitor. I still feel like I have so much to do (setting up universal credit and legal aid, still need to get more of my things from my house etc), and it’s so hard to do while having a little baby and I’m trying to keep myself healthy too for my little one and for myself.
I thought I’d taken back some control last week, as I told him I didn’t need his permission to access my house to get my stuff (joint mortgage), and I also got 3 valuations on the house.
(detail removed by moderator) so by that I take he wants to drag it all out and continue controlling me and my baby.
I thought I’d started to take back some control, but he’s still calling all the shots.
I have no income, I’ve had to leave my home that I’d spent years building too, and I can’t go back to my job as I it’s miles away as I’ve had to move back to my parents and I have no possibility of childcare to get a new job, so I’m gonna struggle to continue paying the mortgage.
I just feel so s**t. I feel so upset that he keeps showing he doesn’t care about me or our baby really, otherwise he’d make things easier on me surely?

[fizzylem]

Of course, a decent man, fater wants to make sure you are both going to be ok.

Now you have the valuations, might it be an option that you offer him a much lower settlement figure to buy you out? To make this come to end sooner? A carrot. Its very stressful selling a house this way, while you are paying half towards the morgage there is no motivation for him to get sold is there? If he could give you a figure he can find, and get your name off the mortgage he might be interesetd? If he takes half of the equity what’s he going to do with that? Will he be able to use this as a deposit and get a morgage? Because if not then he will try and sit this out for as long as he can won’t he. Maybe it’s a lot less than half the equity but it could save you a hell of alot of stress over many months. Just an idea incase you havent thought of this. I would consider this money lost well!

Or, you’ll need to sit it out, possibly for a long time, which is probably fine if you dont need it, can view it as an investment – but it sounds like you need some money to get started again yourself.

Is he paying child support IG? x

[Cecile]

Also remember that the darkest hour is before the dawn. This difficulty won’t last forever and you will find a way through, step by step. This forum os a great source of help, advice and strength, use it for yourself and line your ducks up- go to as many sources of help and advice as you can. Some times you need to have a range of solutions. You are doing the very best for your baby and in the long run this will be repaid bu having a stable and secure child.

[Anonymous]

Why have you been made to leave the house when you have the baby? Surely it’s the dad who leaves…I’m so sorry to hear about all of this❤️ Soon you will start to find your feet, your head will become clearer and you can start organising your life back together again. It feels like miles away but trust me you will get there beautiful x

[Lavenderrose]

All I can say is get whatever you can from the house that you deem as yours, especially sentimental things! Don’t leave anything to chance! He will use anything he can to hurt you and keep you controlled.
With regards to legal aid make sure when mentioning DA that if you get a GP to do a letter that they use the correct template. Mine was rejected on this basis first time. WA may help you with that too!
I have been through similar and my ex took everything especially stuff relating to our daughter. It’s been awful and he still continues to control!
Like you I had to leave and he refused to move out! Absolutely shocking x

[IndecisiveGirl]

I had to leave the house because I have no one where we live, I bought a house with him in his hometown, 2-3hrs away from where I’m from and where my friends/family are.
He keeps saying that I chose to leave a loving family home and committed desertion…
Just want it over with:s
WA are hopefully writing me a letter for legal aid, and I have now applied for universal credit at least so hopefully when the time comes I can get legal aid.

[Anonymous]

I did that too, moved in miles away from my family and then when my family came to see us, he moved us 200 miles away from anyone. Isolated so they can do what they want.

[Author]

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