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I don’t know where to start, it’s such a long story but I feel like I’m going insane! We were together for (detail removed by moderator), the first year was good but then it turned into a living hell. I had two small children to care for but nothing I ever did was right. It will be (detail removed by moderator) that he was arrested for assaulting me. It was the final straw. (Detail removed by moderator) later and the abuse is still happening, we’ve had restraining orders, the judge even said to him if he was to contact me he would go to jail. I’ve had to flee my house, lived on a blow up air bed at my mums, but he started stalking me while there. I’ve tried everything to get him to go. We went to court to get a child contact arrangement to make visitation more regualar as he uses the kids to control me. Works to a certain extent. I’ve tried being nice I’ve tried putting my foot down I’ve tried everything but nothing works. I’m so tired I can’t keep fighting him. If I do call the police, I get threats from his family I get my car damaged my family get threatened, I have them turn up at my house. I don’t want to keep fleeing my home I’m so tired of this. All I want to do is be the best mummy I can be to my gorgeous children. Everything just seems such a struggle. I don’t know the point of this I’m just so drained I needed to get it out.
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Hi Silverheart. My heart goes out to you 💕 after reading what you have written. You are struggling with it all and no wonder! Anyone here will be able to understand how you must be feeling now and for a long time probably. And your mum too! not forgetting any other of your family members, and importantly! your children too. The affects on them from those mindless, lawless, idiot monsters will certainly be considerable and of course as you mention this also impacts on you again. I want to tell you as Escapee kindly informed you earlier, this sanctuary you have found here is full of amazing women just like you. Each has their own story to tell of similar or differing somewhat, but still hellish experiences. They are so kind with their support of each other and to anyone new looking for help and advice, each of those lovelies offering support or just to listen. Whatever you need? So welcome, to your new home! It is our most basic need isn’t it, to feel safe and supported, surrounded by love and feeling free to be ourselves and find answers to enable us to enjoy a happy and safe life. You so deserve that! and your family, as, We all do! You sound such a lovely caring mummy too, this just isn’t fair is it. I think by the time I have finished texting this and sent, you may well have found other replies and advice on offer from those trying to support. So I will finish with this for now, I hope you find all your looking for here to really help you. 💞
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Thank you for responding, I think I just needed to vent it’s been a rough few days. Some days I feel like I’m going insane so having a space to talk to others that have been through similar will hopefully help a little. It’s scary that one man can make me feel so bad. Support workers tell me that I need to block him and do this and that but it’s so hard coz I’m scared of the repercussions. I don’t know how to get out?
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Hi Silverheart and Welcome here! It’s all so overwhelming isn’t it and the constant battering even when you’re gone, that too. Intense bullying and abuse going on here. Right now, no contact is best with him. I would think that you both can go through another party regarding the children? Is that possible? Overall this constant abuse just isn’t okay so what have the support workers told you that you think you can’t do?
What’s happening now is you’re still reacting to him as if you were living with them….so there have to be very clear boundaries that says from you to him – Noooo, you can’t do that and there will be repercussions if you do. You can’t be the one who’s always worried about if you exercise your rights, then there will be repercussions “to you”. That’s not going to work, sweetheart.
So you have to be very prepared to put your foot down. Get a cheap camera, put it up outside somewhere, hide it regarding your car. Report “everything” to the police, all the threats, all of it. Journal, write it all down. This is total harrassment and abuse here. It needs to stop. You have to really stick to your guns about everything. Otherwise, he’s just going to keep doing it. Things will escalate.
As long as he knows that you mean business and everytime he cross over a boundary here, you’re going to react to it by getting him in trouble for it, then he’ll know that sure he can keep acting like an idiot but it’s going to cost him. The alternative is what? Take his abuse while with him or not with him? You can’t live like that love, you just can’t. No way to live for you and your babies…
And it’s the family gang mentality, know that one well. They all think it’s funny and cool to pick on you. Well, there’s law against all that. So please try and calm yourself and block him like they said. You have to be calm, get rest, eat well and all that so you can function. And yes, you need to sit down with your support workers and the police and mean business here. Do everything they tell you to do. They can’t help you if you don’t let them. This isn’t their first rodeo with all this. They know and understand everything, they do.
Time to get his fangs out of your neck and get some real help and support on your side here. There are tons of women here who know exactly what you are going through so read, read here. Talk all you want to. We’ve been through it, you’re not alone and not crazy one little bit! This all can’t be about “just him” and what he wants. That’s not going to work and that’s just that, okay?
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