Hi

[Messed up]

Hi,

I am new to the forum. I suffered abuse for (detail removed by moderator). I have been out of it for quite a few years now but its all still in my head. Does it ever go away? Or at least do you learn to accept it?

[Ayanna]

Can you get therapy?
You may have PTSD from the abuse.
You cannot deal with this alone, it is too hard and too complex.
I am out for a few years and I still cannot accept it.

[Messed up]

I’m so pleased someone replied! I feel like i’m driving myself mad. I have been offered CBT but am unsure if that is the right route? I used to just feel numb so it was ok but now I feel everything sad, angry,guilty,stupid. I have joined so I can speak to other people who have been through a similar situation to see if that helps a bit. Have you had CBT?

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi Messed up,

Welcome to the forum 🙂 I have had CBT a few times for depression and anxiety, I am pretty sure it is not the right thing for abuse recovery though unless they have created an abuse-specific type of CBT. If you ask your GP, local domestic abuse service and the helpline they should be able to tell you about local organisations who have counsellors/therapists who specialise/understand abuse. What you need is validation and understanding and a safe place to get it out. CBT can help with managing your depression and anxiety but as far as I know it won’t get to the route of the trauma about the abuse. Another option is EMDR which I have heard is good for processing and healing from trauma.

[Ayanna]

For the trauma of abuse, which is usually a long and intense trauma resulting in PTSD and physical illnesses, CBT is wrong.
The only way to help this is a proper therapy by a counsellor or therapist who understands trauma and domestic abuse or any kind of abuse.

I had to fight very hard for three years to get the right therapy.
I eventually got the therapy and my therapist, who was initially reluctant, is now very engaged with me and tries to help me.
They have realised how hard it is to get through to me and how deep and damaging my trauma is.
I think this realisation was an initial shock to the organisation’s system.
They had a few meetings about me and it seems my therapy will be longer than a year.
I have lots of trauma related health problems, including an auto immune disease, which can only improve when I am able to cope with what happened to me.
As I said, I had to fight very hard.
It was worth the fight, because this therapy will probably save my life.

I can only encourage you to speak up and demand what is right for you, not to give up, to keep insisting until you get what you need.

[Serenity]

Hi Messed up,

CBT can be good for training yourself to turn negative thoughts into realistic/ positive thoughts and bring your thoughts into a more directed, future focus.

However, often in the case of abuse, trauma becomes ‘locked’ in the body. The thoughts are too frightening or upsetting to process properly, so we can’t move past them. They reside in us, as PTSD or C-PTSD.

Dialectical Behavioural Therapy ( DBT) and EMDR are both used with trauma victims. Both focus on the body, and EMDR focuses on eye movement -mimicking R.E.M. sleep – to process the painful memories trapped in our subconscious.

You can read up about both of these online.

I look up DBT / Distress Tolerance techniques online and practice them at home.

I know a friend of mine got free EMDR through her GP. x

[Author]

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