This topic contains 8 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Louloubee 1 week ago.

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  • #99427
     Louloubee 
    Participant

    Need a chat really so thought I’d come on here I finished with my partner moths ago it’s been tough he has lots of affairs with our relationship and my gut was telling me something was right so I ended it any how it did come to light he was messing around again :(so only (detail removed by moderator) weeks go he stopped the threats to kill after me calling the police numerous of times
    But before that he was contacting me every way possible and through everyone…. But unknown to me he’s already in a relationship with someone I caught him having a affair with years ago 🙁 how can he move on do quickly??? I can’t as I still love him; it really hurts I took him back after their near fling and (detail removed by moderator) later unknown to me he’s at it again with her!? (detail removed by moderator) That same month he proposed to me!? IM so upset I feel IM back to square one I contacted him crying saying I was so upset and why did he have to run my face in it it’s strange I feel I want him back??? Help! He’s begging me and begging me to also get back this is horrible need advice xx

  • #99428
     Louloubee 
    Participant

    To kill himself**

  • #99446
     fizzylem 
    Participant

    LLB, we all go through this, the heart shouts louder and quietes the mind – temporarily – it comes in waves but eventually stops when the head has told the heart often enough ‘it’s over’.

    Try writing a list of all the reasons why you chose to end it, to redress the balance. If you were to go back you’d regret it within in no time, and feel back to square one again – it’s like cold turkey for a while.

    Read, learn all you can and use this to help you make informed decisions – and affirm your decision. There is no going back, only round in circles, the way forwards is always without him and taking back your control, regarding him, your emotions and your life x

  • #99473
     Lisa 
    Main Moderator

    Hi Louloubee

    I just wanted to show you some support, I can see that you have already had a supportive reply from fizzylem.

    Your gut was telling you that this relationship is not right and have done the right thing by ending it. Unfortunately, perpetrators often threaten suicide and use this as a pressure tactic, but you are not responsible for his wellbeing.

    It is completely normal to be feeling this way, if you haven’t already you could get some support in place from your local Domestic Violence Service, you could also see if they run any support groups, it may help to meet other women in similar situation and help you to stay strong.

    Take care and keep posting to let us know how you are doing.

    Lisa

  • #100118
     Louloubee 
    Participant

    So I took him back he dumped her in a flash and we tried that was (detail removed by moderator) ago he changed his number and left her I think I only wanted him as he had moved on 🙁 any way now I’ve been ghosted he’s gone changed his phone number and is back with her 🙁 please help

  • #100121
     fizzylem 
    Participant

    Oh LLB! Lesson learned? Interesting isn’t it that he did this to her and then the same to you, they say this about married men having affairs don’t they, if this is how the relationship starts this will also be how it ends – so very often true. It’s often useful to look at how he treats the people in his life, shows us this will be me one day too. Use this experience to draw from now when you check out others in the future in friends and potential partners. Shows us a lot. How does he treat others?

    He’s done you one big favour here, its very natural when he does the leaving that we feel the pain of rejection, only stop and think about this for a minute, because this is what he wants, he wants to cause you hurt, he likes to think you are longing after him, a decent man would have ended things with you face to face, considered how you will likley feel – didn’t happen here did it. Quite a good mind trick isn’t it, because when you stop and think about it, you didnt really want him anyway, only now he’s got you wanting him again. Don’t be fooled x

  • #100124
     KIP. 
    Participant

    I’ve seen this before when these men get dumped. They’re so evil and their ego is so fragile they try to get back together with the sole intention of dumping you for revenge for dumping them in the first place. They do this in the most hurtful way. One lady on here took him back and got engaged only for him to leave without explanation blocking her on everything. Painful as it is for you it sounds like he has done you a favour and you have recognised his game of triangulation. She may think she’s won first prize but in reality she’s won the booby prize.

  • #100139
     fizzylem 
    Participant

    Lol KIP, although I’d say she’s won nothing! Yes I ended it with him and I think this turned out much worse for me, would have been better for me had he been the dumper, because I leanrt that when he feels like he’s winning, in control, that I’m down trodden, this is a better place to be, when he’s riled and angry, feeling the pain of rejection this is when the monster appears. Lay low LLB, I think this is the better of the two rubbish situations. He’s gone, notice the space, and the calm, notice how your stress level has reduced knowing he’s not around x

  • #100143
     Louloubee 
    Participant

    Thanks ladies such a great help I was so bad this morning crying my eyes out pining for him! Annoyed with myself for letting him in again but I think your so right he just wanted to seek revenge! He played me for 2 weeks he didn’t leave my side literally!!!! Even would drive to the corner shop with me! I didn’t see anyone so now I feel completely lost this was part of his plan thinking about it now

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