Hi all, I’ve just left

[Rosieraa]

I am new here today and wanted to say hi.
I just left my abusive husband (detail removed by moderator) along with my two young boys.

It was hard and scary but it was the right thing to do.
Mine was emotional and verbal. It is a confusing and hard thing to explain how he was but it got worse and when lockdown hit it definitely made things worse

My husband was good in alot of ways , he didn’t get moody on a daily basis but when something happened between us even the most smallest thing he would be angry, dismissive , verbally nasty and not speak to me for days. Over the last year there was always something and he got like it alot when I look back some of the things he said and did where awful. He didn’t really support me emotionally. When lockdown started , he was not even lockdown and still went to work, he became very shut off and didnt speak to me , he would be cutting and put me down alot. He actually ended our marriage (detail removed by moderator) suddenly but would not explain why and just left me in the dark then he suddenly said he didnt mean it and wouldn’t not explain why he was like this. But he reverted back to being shut off and angry all the time . It was all about him. Its always about his feelings and emotions. The final straw was an issue at work (we wkrk in the same place) (detail removed by moderator) (i don’t want to go into details about this now) but instead of talking abd sorting it out with me and caring about my feels he got soooo angry and sent me several abusive texts. I was to scared to go home so I pack and left and stayed in a friends flat while she was away
He was even more angry i left and does not take responsibility or ownership of how he behaved , i guess they don’t.

One of the hardest things is loosing some friends who feel he is so nice and he is like butter wouldn’t melt.

Anyway I look forward to sharing and supporting others here and hopefully getting some support myself. Its hard , I miss him and still have love for him but i have to push that away and remember all he has done to me.

 

[Cecile]

Well done what a brave woman, you have done the right thing. Have you written down what he did to you? Your account of the abuse is terrible and it’s so grater that’s you can see just how abusive he has been to you. People who love one another do not behave in this way. I hope you tell your GP so it’s on your health records, the children’s health visitor or schools, and get legal advice. Make sure you have concrete evidence this way with other professionals. Speak to women said about support and above all, do not go back to him.

[Lazarus17]

Hi Rosieraa.
I’m new here too, and like you, my ex subjected me to emotional/psychological abuse.

I know how hard it is to leave. I’m so glad you found the strength to do so. Remember that strength when you wobble – cos it’s bound to happen, especially when children are involved.

My ex still takes no responsibility and I now accept that he never will. They just don’t- everything was always my fault for whatever real or imagined wrongdoing during the relationship, so I guess why should he change his opinion, just because I’m not with him!?

My ex plays the victim so well – he’s so manipulative that he can cry at will (Even tho “real men don’t cry”) and can change a story in the blink of an eye to suit him or the listener.

I’ve realised that I only have a few friends now – there were many who called themselves that, who “didn’t want to get involved” or hear about the circumstances of the split because of that. I respected their wishes – he didn’t so painted a very ugly picture of me to them. They then judged me badly. And I have discarded every one of them – I thought they were better than that, and it’s heartbreaking to find out how wrong I was. But they are obviously not my true friends.

Emotional abuse is a tough one to explain – Even to yourself sometimes. But do not forget those words. They hurt now, but you will gain strength from their memory when you wobble.

And remember, tough times don’t last, but tough people do. You are tougher than you think – you did the really hard bit 😊 Be brave, be strong – show your children that Mom is a superhero – cos you are 😊

[Wiseafter]

Well done to you guys – thanks for sharing what happened to you, its an awful way to live and now you have been so brave to get out and try and have a better life for your kids. It can be hard to reach out to friends, remember not only may they not see this guy for what he really is and you can’t blame them for that, he is clever at showing a different side out there in public – but they will also find it hard to relate to your experiences within the context of their own ‘normal’ relationships. But come here on the forum because we all ‘get it’. If you are new I recommend going through lots of previous posts – particularly ‘my abuser what is he like’ and the booklist – you will see what I mean! Also, try and get some counselling and support to help you and your kids come to terms with your experiences and get the validation you need for what you have been through. I hope this helps. Your life has changed and it will be challenging to lose friends but you will gain new ones hopefully.

[Hazydayz]

Hi and welcome from me too. Hope your enjoying better days now and having a good start to today! Like you, I suffer verbal and emotional, psychological abuse from my husband. It’s soul destroying isn’t it. Lots of us here undertand. Lots of support here for you and thankyou, for your expression of Supporting others here too. We all appreciate it! Untill next time then….💞

[Author]

Posts