Hi having a bad day…

[Freetobethegreatest]

Just really need to get my thoughts out as having a bad day. My partner is getting worse… Im actually getting very concerned with his mental state because it appears he is getting worse and worse and im worried he’s actually pyschotic?? Which is a worrying place to be living in. He is incapable of talking about things in a normal manner. He is extremely arguementative, angry and arrogant. He always thinks he’s in the right even when he clearly isnt. More importantly he convinces himself everyone is the problem and that they are crazy. He constantly tells me im crazy, need help, need to go to the doctors. When he is shouting at me ur crazy, ur possessed etc im looking at him thinking u are talking about urself yet somehow u literally cant see it is u not me. I try my hardest not to retaliate but it is extremely difficult when he says stuff to get a reaction. If i react of course he says ive proved his point. after id try to get away from him and asked him to leave me alone i started shouting he then of course calls me angry and is telling me to calm down i try to explain if u leave me alone i will calm down it is u upsetting me but no of course he wont leave me alone. He really has no remourse, no understanding but it really is at the point that he is actually deluded and like i said i think pyschotic…. How can u be with someone when there is no getting through to them? And it is a worry if his mental state just gets worse and worse.

[Lisa]

Hi Freetobethegreatest,

I am sorry that you are having such a stressful time. I just wanted to show you some support. Please do give the helpline a ring when you get a safe time. They will not tell you what to do but they can help you to consider options which you may not have thought of. They can also help you with some safety planning even if at the moment you feel it is your safety plan to stay where you are. It sounds like your perpetrator might have realized that you may be considering your options and so his abuse is getting worse to try to keep you under his control so please be careful. If you don’t feel safe then please trust your gut and consider getting somewhere safe (a refuge or with friends and family) even if you have to pretend that you just want a short time break/ have to care for your relatives etc. It might just give you a breather to consider just the extent of his abuse. Please remember that his abuse is not a mental health issue, it is him choosing to be abusive and you deserve to be happy and safe.

We are all here for you.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Indiansummer]

Just wanted to show my support as well. I hope you will find the best possible way out of this situation. I also wondered at some point if my ex partner was okay mentally. And in the same manner he tried to make me the crazy one! I guess it’s another technique abusers use. Please, stay strong and keep reaching out for help x

[Tiffany]

I got this treatment too. My abusers actions seemed psychotic, he was even seeing counsellors and doctors about it. I was convinced he was genuinely mentally ill. I question that now. Maybe he was, maybe he wasn’t. But he spent years trying to convince me that I was also crazy and needed help. I left this year. And guess what, I am totally sane (apart from suffering from anxiety due to years of abuse).

[Freedomfighter]

Hi Freetobethegreatest,
Just wanted to say I know exactly what you mean. I’m going thro the same thing and even tho you know it’s them, their problem, constantly being told it’s you is so hard and exhausting to keep dealing with. For years I told myself it was him who had the real mental health problems, I had stress, anxiety depression insomnia
I kept trying to be lenient back off, not inflame the situation etc. Through talking to people on the helpline and my counsellor I realised it’s not my fault, not my problem, he’s behaving like all abusers do. It sounds like your’s is doing the same , classic abuse behaviour. If they can’t intimidate us they try for our sympathy or maybe they’re laying down a defense for temporary insanity or diminished responsibility or something. All I know is they are extremely calculating controlling and skilled at turning the table to make it our fault, moving the goalposts and keeping us off balance and on edge. You are not alone. The more you reach out for support, the more you talk about it and read about it the easier it gets to see them clearly. I see mine for what and who he is now and am learning to deal with the fallout, getting help and support to understand that it’s okay for me to still be hear it doesn’t mean I’m stupid or weak as I thought. It means I’m way stronger than anyone realises, loyal and extremely patient and caring. I am a good person, a strong person, I’ve adapted to and survived everything he’s thrown at me for decades and I am strong enough to survive without him. I know you are too. I’m putting my plans together to leave in the new year. I don’t have to rush, I’m lucky I’m not in any physical danger but I have my emergency plan in place incase that changed. Please keep reaching out and talking to your local women’s aid group, helplines have given me contact numbers as well as excellent support. Start planning, it sounds to me like he’s escalating. Try not to be too confrontational I just let the stress out and cry in front of him. Itdoesn’t mean I’m weak like he thinks, it’s me defusing the explosive situation and gives me time to think and decide calmly if it’s still okay to stay or if I need to act, put my emergency plan into action. I can’t go head to head with him that’s dangerous, so I do what I need to survive and stay safe- that’s not weak that’s smart! Good luck and do what ever you need to do to stay safe. Hugs

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