Hi I am new to the forum

[Cherrypickle]

Hello. I am new. I will post some things up as I want to establish if my partner is abusive or not.
However currently I am dealing with something and wanted to see what you think.
I have an amazing fun and fulfilling job but my partner says I work too hard and that I don’t get paid enough so he’s often critical of my job. However I work with some lovely people and it makes me happy.
I was told recently out of the blue that my boss is dying (Detail removed by Moderator) and has days/ weeks to live. I told my partner by text as I was in terrible shock and in need of someone I love comforting me. He’s response was (Detail removed by Moderator) that was days ago and there has not been a single other commentate to me about my boss or a cuddle or anything.
I can’t believe he can’t show me any love when I’m in a time of need.
So I reflected and it’s made me realise my friends have all been gradually pushed away so I have contacted some of them and told them I’m sorry I’ve been so distant but now I’m going to make an effort to see you.
I’ll post more later!
Xxxx

[Poodlepower]

My partner was very jealous of my job-a job I love and find very fulfilling. He wasn’t obvious about it, but the odd comment or sense that he was “prickly” about it came through. I’ve been able to talk to the person that he always described as his best friend-it was mostly an on line friendship as he lives in a different country and my partner was unable to cope with face-to-face friendships. Anyway, this friend told me that yes, my partner had told him he was very jealous of the enjoyment I got out of my job. I felt this anyway, but this confirmed it.
This friend also told me that my partner had confided in him that he hated that I could enjoy time away from home- the word he used was “relished”- but he couldn’t tolerate being away from me.
My partner needed to possess all of me and couldn’t stand me to have any enjoyment or fulfilment in anything other than him. I had on occasion had to literally escape the house so I could get to work as he would pin me down. This got worse over time-our last altercation was caused by me leaving the house without his permission. Does your partner show any of these traits? I think the instinct to dominate and possess is often there and reveals itself in an inability to be supportive of anything that shows that we care about something other than them, including work.

[Sad sunflower]

Hello Cherrypickle,

My ex was also jealous of my job. First of all, he could not stand one of my male co-workers, who also happens to be a (Detail removed by Moderator). I was not allowed to talk to this co-worker at all. If he ever dared to call or text me (mostly work-related stuff at first, later on we became good friends) I knew my ex would turn into a monster. At first he only yelled at me every time my co-worker texted me, it then evolved into my ex yelling at me every time something reminded him of this guy… A (Detail removed by Moderator) car passed us down the motorway? well, I deserved to be yelled at because my co-worker had a (Detail removed by Moderator) car. I was accused of cheating all the time. Fortunately, it was this co-worker who helped me see I was in an abusive relationship and helped me get out for good. He’s still there for me when I feel low or weak.

My ex was also a very frustrated person. He hated the fact that I had a job I absolutely adore (it took me years to get this job) while he was miserable at work. Every time I tried to share with him something exciting that happened at work, or tell him about something I did well he would tell me to shut up, he would even do this in front of his friends. He was jealous that I had the perfect job and that I was making more money than him.

Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say is that abusers cannot stand the fact that we have other interests other than catering to their every need and that we can be surrounded by people who really appreciate us for who we are. That is a threat to the control they have on us. Please please please, take this advice from someone who has been through this: do not let him isolate you. Friends and family can be an incredible source of support when dealing with an abusive partner. Talk to people, tell them about what you are going through. Remember that abusers thrive in silence.

Big hug

[Tiffany]

They really are all the same. My ex hated my job because it made me happy, and I had friends there who he couldn’t control. It is down to them that I got out.

[Author]

Posts