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    • #143510
      00breakingfree00
      Participant

      Hi everyone
      I’m new to the forum and can’t believe how many people here have similar stories and suffered in the same way. It gives me so much strength to know that I’m not alone. I’ve finally got out of a very long term abusive relationship with a n********t after afew attempts. My confidence and self worth is completely shattered, I question my every thought and decision and don’t know how to trust myself again..or anyone else. I’m a nervous wreck on a daily basis, constantly confused and have poor memory which has affected by daily life and working life. I’m trying to educate myself on what I’ve experienced by reading and know that it was real and it actually was abuse. I have good days and bad days but the trauma bond is still there. I find it hard to explain what I’ve been through because it was so gradual over time and only ever physical once it’s the emotional abuse which has affected me most. I feel so lonely as I’ve been isolated from a lot of my friends over the years and he’s turned most of ‘our friends’ against me. I know it was the right decision but it doesn’t make it any easier. Thank you for giving me the space to share my experience. I hope this might help someone who’s been through something similar. So much love to you all

    • #143515
      Auriel
      Participant

      First of all well done for getting out 🥂 it’s really not an easy thing to do when your trauma bonded to a narc so that is a massive thing (even if you don’t believe it yet) also these friends you’ve lost were they really friends if the narc was so easily able to twist them? (And I know just how sly and manipulative these types can be).Take baby steps with yourself now, your mind has been confused from all the gaslighting and games and abuse really can have a serious affect on the nervous system, you’ve been though psychological warfare, you may (like me) have to relearn everything again (like a baby) my brainwashing and abuses started early (then ended me up as perfect prey later on in life for adult abuse) you might need to speak to a trauma therapist at some point, maybe in time you can reconnect with the people he isolated you from (unless they were the ones who were manipulated and turned, if you feel vulnerable and on your own and you don’t know what to do maybe give women’s aid a call.As the process started we have to chip back away at it again slowly to undo the damage of what they did and said.Its perfectly normal for you to not trust anyone right now and that’s ok you don’t have to, just focus on yourself be really kind to yourself, you’ll be ok, you may never be the you that you were but you can be a form of ok (takes time) take care of yourself (loads) 💛🌼💛

      • #143528
        00breakingfree00
        Participant

        Thank you Auriel. I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. This all makes so much sense. A lot of our friends were his to begin with but over the years I’ve become great friends with their female partners aswell. I’ve kept in touch with a couple but at arms length, it’s painful hearing how they’re all carrying on with their lives while I’m dealing with the aftermath of the abuse. I can see how he manipulates them now too. He’ll put them down and chip away at their character over time then buy them dinner so they think he’s a good person and ‘not that bad’, it’s all part of the cycle. I’ve made contact with a therapist specialising in narcissistic abuse as I really think it will help. I do feel like I need to relearn a lot of things, I feel like my brain isn’t working properly and I find it hard to articulate myself. I used to be so full of life, positive and easy going and he has completely destroyed me, I’m so sad I’ve lost the girl I used to be but I know I’ll be stronger because of it. Thanks for your kind words. One day at a time 💛

      • #143562
        Auriel
        Participant

        🤗💖🤗

    • #143517
      Mellow
      Participant

      Thanks for posting the realisation is the hardest but it’s only been around (detail removed by Moderator) months for me and I’m guttered that I will have to end the relationship or continuing torment I know my partner won’t change and it will start again I also have to show my kids the relationship is not healthy I’ve done lots of reading like you and have never been hit only few times but it was instigated so I don’t blame him for that.realisation is so hard as you realise your relationship won’t be your dream come true I have kids and engaged

      • #143529
        00breakingfree00
        Participant

        Hi Mellow, thank you for your message. I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. It must be especially hard with kids and trying to show them what is right. Please don’t blame yourself for any physical or emotional abuse you’ve experienced, it’s all part of the manipulation and you’ve been made to feel like you’ve brought it on yourself. These people future fake aswell promising the world and their words never match their actions. You only want to see the good in them. Stay strong and show your kids what a loving, healthy, relationship can look like.

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