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    • #147093
      Aerialcircus
      Participant

      So I’m new , I feel like a fraud because he doesn’t do it every day or even every week
      Yes he makes comments like oh leaving me again, constantly questioning me how much I love him .
      I don’t talk to his family as they are emotionally abusive and he never has my back . He’s giving me a little slap in the past and I have fought back (detail removed by Moderator) he hurt me and chased me in his (detail removed by Moderator) van hitting back of the car

      (detail removed by Moderator) he went out with his (detail removed by Moderator) for some drinks I felt uncomfortable with this because of how vile they’ve been to me but I kept my mouth shut . Anyway I picked him up he wasn’t drunk or even tipsy but took him (detail removed by Moderator) to leave the pub I was outside . I told him how uncomfortable I felt and he just started screaming at me not talking screaming I pulled over and asked him to get out of the car I said I’m not going home to continue this stay with your (detail removed by Moderator) il see you tomorrow he starts pulling my hair and smacking me in the head . At one point he had me in a headlock and started hitting me so I hit him to get him of me
      This was my only hit because I figured maybe if I didn’t fight back he wouldn’t turn it around on me
      He did he told me he didn’t want to do this but I push him to it I can never keep my mouth shut and he is just screaming . He tried to kick me out of the car
      Eventually after this for a good half hour I said to him I didn’t want him coming home he told me he was done and he wanted dropping of at (detail removed by Moderator) I figured this was better than him coming home so I agreed on the way I was going about (detail removed by Moderator) he yanks the hand break and I lose control and crash my car . He started telling everyone I was in shock and to ignore me . He told me no one will believe me because I was driving . He screamed at me I am nothing I am only him it’s his car his house his money and I say I’ve made it for myself which I never do because I passed my degree and got myself a job in a high profile job to start but he told me I haven’t I’m nothing but a lazy cu*t .
      He texted me (detail removed by Moderator) asking to come home I said I didn’t think was. A good idea he asked me if I’d pick him up and I said no I don’t want to be in a car with him
      He came home (detail removed by Moderator) and I went upstairs and haven’t spoken to him
      I’m so confused everyone is telling me I have to leave him but I feel like I’m not strong enough I just don’t know what life looks like without him , I don’t know how to do it without him. He told me hel quit his job because no way on earth will any money be going to me . He’s so sly everyone thinks ( in my family ) he’s amazing and how much he loves me
      Maybe I am partly to blame maybe I do just need to learn to keep my mouth shut rather than say how I feel when he’s in that mood like I’m poking at the fire . I really don’t know
      I don’t know what I wanted from this post I just suppose I want someone to tell me it’s ok or that it’s understandable.

      If you got this far Thankyou

    • #147095
      Eggshells
      Participant

      Hi Arielcircus

      Welcome to the forum.

      This sounds like an incredibly abusive and dangerous relationship for you yo be in. He could have killed you (detail removed by Moderator).

      You’re friends are right, you need to get out urgently. However, it will be difficult for them to understand how scary a prospect than can be.

      Overtime, your self confidence is completely eroded away so that you end up fearing being without him. This is deliberate and calculated on his part. It’s a small part of a larger strategy to make you stay.

      Leaving is very hard at first – in ways you might not imagine. Then, as time passes you start to rebuild your life and the sense of freedom is profound. Your life becomes your own in a way you might not be able to conceive at the moment.

      There is help for you. Please contact the Women’s Aid chat line as your first port of call. You need to get out of this relationship quickly and safely.

    • #147096
      Aerialcircus
      Participant

      I spoken to them on the chat and they’ve giving me details of my local help but I think that’s all on the phone and I don’t want to speak to someone on the phone ☹️
      I think that’s the hardest bit for me is everyone says it’s part of their plan they know what there doing when they knock your confidence but I honestly don’t think he is like that to me like I don’t doubt he knows what he’s doing when he puts his hands on me but the stuff he says in general I just don’t know ☹️

    • #147308
      Auriel
      Participant

      From everything you’ve wrote he’s an abuser(an abuser that’s come from abusers) not sure about your area but there’s usually domestic abuse/women’s aid drop in centres about the place, if they were abusive 24/7 we wouldn’t stay with them (they know this) also if you ring women’s aid the buildings they have the freedom course in will have women connected to domestic abuse in them, women who’ve experienced it and domestic abuse workers so maybe they can make arrangements to have a meet up with you somewhere if you prefer face to face, if your worried what life looks like without him don’t be, it’ll be no abuse no name calling no put downs no devaluing being slapped hit with a car! and no fear of him, you get your life back you don’t need him and certainly don’t need his abuse, you should be his everything his priority and if your not in his eyes you can be in yours instead, your achieving better things now you don’t need any of his terrible treatment 🤗💛🤗

    • #147311
      gettingtired
      Participant

      I know how terrifying this is, mine has started screaming at me whilst I’ve been driving to the point I lashed out physically then a physical scuffle ensued again whilst I was driving. It’s so chaotic and toxic and you do become addicted to it all. This is why it’s so hard to leave, I’m struggling with it too right now xx

    • #147324
      Hereforhelp
      Participant

      Hi and welcome

      This part of your story jumped out at me …

      “He did he told me he didn’t want to do this but I push him to it I can never keep my mouth shut and he is just screaming . He tried to kick me out of the car”…. what would you say to a friend or family member if they had written the above about their partner, what would you say to them? Your partner will blame you for his behaviour when HE is completely responsible for his behaviour. He does know what he is saying and doing, he is a grown adult, it is hard to accept as you are bonded to this man, loved this man and trusted him… Google FOG cycle, it can help to read up on DA, it can be empowering in finding yourself again.

      He does know what he is doing and saying as we do not loose control when angry and nobody Makes him behave violently.. he is blaming you and trying to shut you down, that’s not love. My abusive husband could be so lovely, funny, thoughtful and kind and sometimes it lasted for months before the verbal abuse, mental abuse etc started, the nice side they show is what keeps us, along with not wanting to hurt them…

      Keep posting ❤

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