Hi I’m new and nervous

[Quirkymess]

And not sure what to say or how to say it.
Unfortunately not new to DV and feel completely stupid that I find I’m questioning myself again “is this abuse”?. I should know right I’ve been there.
I just seem to have a beacon on my head I reakon calling all abusers.
My first abusive relationship was clear abuse was very extreme and sadistic and took my many years to leave.
I then seemed to replace that with a friendship that I came to realise was very controlling and full of lies and manipulation, even with her using and learning from my experiences to then use as her own to fake a DV relationship and use my ptsd symptoms in order to gain from housing and benefits. Thankfully after warnings from professionals this toxic friendship ended some years ago.
Now after many years of trusting no one to keep myself safe I’m in a relationship again. I still don’t seem to trust my own judgement and don’t know if I’m being over sensitive from previous experiences and seeing red flags that just aren’t there or that he is abusive and I’m just minimising it as it’s not as bad as my previous relationship or as obviously toxic as the ex friend was.
I just don’t trust myself and my head is in a spin trying to make sense of it.
I apologise if this doesn’t make much sense and is a bit waffley.
I don’t know what to expect from this but unsure where to go with this.
Thanks for reading

[KIP.]

Hi and welcome. Years of abuse can leave us reality testing. Not quite sure what is acceptable behaviour. I always ask myself if I would behave in that manner. Ask yourself if you would behave in the way your new boyfriend does? If the answer is no, then it’s not acceptable. Also, if he behaves in a certain way, and you point out this behaviour upsets you, and he continues to do that, it’s not acceptable. Keeping a journal is also a good idea. Write down the things that confuse you and read them back when you’re calm, from an outsiders point of view x have you had counselling or read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven?

[Lisa]

Hi Quirkymess

Welcome to the forum, as KIP said years of abuse can leave you feeling very unsure about what is normal and what is not. This forum is a great place to get support from other survivors to help you make sense of the things you are questioning in your new relationship, and after all you have been through it is very normal to be feeling a bit unsure.

We are here to support you.

Take care and keep posting

Lisa

[Fudgecake]

Welcome to the forum 😊
I’d say that listening to your gut instinct about situations and the people in them is always a good idea. I find that our inner voice is often right.
However, if you’re in doubt about any red flag moment regarding your new relationship I’d post here and ask for opinions from people who have experienced all types of DA.

It’s comforting to get support and advice from people who know and have first hand knowledge of what we are going through.

You will find lots of support and good advice here and most importantly people who are prepared to listen.

[Kaleidascopehead]

Hello. .hope you’re well.I’m also new and have joined as even thought it’s been (detail removed by moderator) since I got away…I’ve spent that time rebuilding my life life in the general sense of new job.new home etc…I genuinely believed that once id fixed these things I’d be fine…I’m not…really not..the GP has diagnosed PTSD. The usual.nightmares anxiety sweats can’t sleep. Iknow I need couselling but in terrified..it’s like reliving it all over again..any advice on what road to go down?

[Author]

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